Parents Disapproval

[brat 0]

Sometimes know best, may be that they feel that they know what is best for us.. but sometimes that sense of knowing might be flawed.. might be erm... not as best as they think. Like for example my bro got put into college, yet he's not doing as well as my parents wanted him to be... he was given the chance in a college that causes double what i go to... whereas i picked a place to be alone away from family... my brother still doesn't know how to pay college fees.. he doesn't know how to get a bank draft...

best sometimes can be too much pampering..

best sometimes can be overprotective..

for example..

a girl i know.. she has been sheltered all this while..

she lacks the knowledge needed and the confidence needed around people to mix around with adults..

and now?

She fears almost everything..

Her parents overprotected her and she never got much of a chance to go out for parties nor did she get a chance to go to camps..

something that i find important in social upbringing..

well erm.. my point of view may sometimes be confusing but my conclusion is that..

tho it is common to assume that parents know best..

yes their intentions are best of heart..

however..

we still need to be rational, open mined, and matured in this modern time..

thats right dude, they know whats best for us but that "best" word is subjective, and it maybe the best for us right now, but it might not be best for us in the long run. for example, our parents can be super clean and wipe off every little dirt and keep us of in an unhealty environment, thats best for us at the moment, but at the long run thats not the best because we will not be immune to the dirt that surrounds us, so one mosquito bites can make us very sick and may end us up in the hospital that actually happened to me when i'm just a kid, they were super clean to me, so a mosquito bite will easily make me sick and they'll bring me to hospital anyway theres a saying "Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with.” we are like diamonds and our mistakes is like a dust of diamond that will polish us.

[dino82 0]

Hi all....

I really need some advice on this matter. u c...i've been 2geta wif my girlfriend for almost 2 years now. everything was going ok between us and i even brought her back 2meet my family early June last year. my parents was nice towards her at first but lately, they have been giving negative comments and asking me to break-up with her. the reason: my father says she's too thin and only 1year younger than me, my mom says she doesn't possess any nice assets (breasts and ass), and their conclusion is that a thin girl like her won't be able to provide me a family in the near future. FYI, she's about 163cm tall and weighs around 43kg.

imagine that how dissappointed and angry i was, upon hearing this kind of 'supporting' comments from the people that i've look up upon since d day i was born. and each time i tell them that im going out wif her, my father will be making a big fuss out of it, saying things like there's whole lot of younger, beautiful and attractive women out there and that im really stupid 2stick wif tis this kind of 'thin and sickly' girl. he even say that i'll surely regret if i were to ignore his 'advice' and pursue this r'ship.

i've tried many ways to convince them that, ultimately its me who spend most of the time wif her, its me who really know that i really love her for all her strengths and weaknesses. i told them that love is not based only on physical attraction, the most important part is that both of us support and complement each other in many ways, both of us understand and care for each other's needs, and most importantly is that both of us love each other. i even shared my problem wif my sis who's studying in Russia, and she's been very supportive of our r'ship. she told me not to worry too much coz some of her fren's parents are oso the same, keep on comparing other couples to their own children and make negative remarks. she told me not to give up easily.

i felt sorry for my gf lately when she ask how come my parents never invite her over for dinner which they have been doing it at least twice a month till lately. i decided to tell her d truth and she was really sad and depressed, and so am i.

d thing is, i really dunno y would any parents would want to destroy their own son's r'ship juz bcoz they find d future daughter-in-law is not up to their 'expectation'?

is there any way i can convince and change their perception? i feel its really unfair to me and my gf....help!

[june_c21 0]

for me, i think you should talk to ur gf and c how..

[gloss 0]

one thing you know, if you talking about puppy love, then just forget about family business. but if you all are serious, it might concern more than just two people being together so simple.. i guess age is not a problem at this civilaztion now.. body features also can help with some healthy food.. if you are serious, better talk to your parents and also your girl friend... you must let her know what's goin on..

bless you..

[june_c21 0]

true, i agree with gloss.. i think you should let her know wat happen. age and body is not a factor at all..

[eivan120 0]

163 cm with 43kg is very thin oh......U didn't feed her well ah...

Anyway, since ur parents r only disapproved of her appearance there's nothing u can do bout it. Old folks memang believed that too kurus can't produce babies (of course not all parents took it negatively, i mean u can always "bo ha" if u wanna have babies), bout the asset thing...don worry la....if she really pregnant 1 day these asset will get big 1 (hope ur parent won't say anything if she got toobig oh )

But come to think of it, with her height n weight is not healthy wo....Think of the health side ask her to eat more lo....eat healthy food of course. If her body can't absorb the nutrition maybe u should buy her some "bo pan" oh....

[mizagnes 0]

i think u should talk to your parent.. tell them how u feel. beside, i m sure you r mature and old enough to handle about ur relationship problems, just tell them not to worry about u. all the best!

[Pikachu 0]

I agree with Eivan. Your gf is definately too thin. And traditional parents would obviously wants the bloodline to continue. It's not that they want to wreck your relationship, but they are using their personal value system to draft out the "best of everything" for you. As you can see, now adays not many young couple want to have kids especially when ladies are keen on keeping their figures. So, I don't blame your parents in hoping for a "better" figured future daughter-in-law especially IF you are the ONLY son they have.

The best I can think right now is that you "fatten" her a little. Try some food suppliments like Cod liver oil or vitamins to help if needed. And at the same time talk to your parents.

Good luck!

[dino82 0]

163 cm with 43kg is very thin oh......U didn't feed her well ah...

Anyway, since ur parents r only disapproved of her appearance there's nothing u can do bout it. Old folks memang believed that too kurus can't produce babies (of course not all parents took it negatively, i mean u can always "bo ha" if u wanna have babies), bout the asset thing...don worry la....if she really pregnant 1 day these asset will get big 1 (hope ur parent won't say anything if she got toobig oh  )

But come to think of it, with her height n weight is not healthy wo....Think of the health side ask her to eat more lo....eat healthy food of course. If her body can't absorb the nutrition maybe u should buy her some "bo pan" oh....

eivan120, may i ask whats d ideal weight for a 160-163cm tall girl?

[eivan120 0]

Huh...i dunno woh.....But with her height n weight i'm sure she's underweight

My fren around 158 weight around 43...she already look like a stick. 43kg with 163cm!?can u imagine?

I guess 163cm should be healthy around 47kg gua.....

[lordy 0]

mm personally i think u shud emphasise to ur parents that this is ur life, u would like to be given the freedom to live and choose what u life, especially in regards to love.

Emphasise that u rather find someone u love rather than someone with the body assets..

Eventually they will allow u freedom to do so..

[eivan120 0]

Anyway.....i feel the numbers is not really important. From her apperance i'm sure u can see without weighting she's is too thin! So forget the numbers, just get her to eat more, eat healthy, eat po ban. Pump her up till she don look like a stick. As long as don get la "fei po" then ok lo.

Of course...don push her....try slow....if she's a small eater her stomach can't accept the sudden changes 1. Add up the food consumption little by little.

[carol_sim 0]

Well... I never really tot of this being a hindrance to a marriage. I am also a skinny person. But skinny does not mean unhealthy le.... But yes la.... medically low weight has some linkage with low birth weight baby.

And about getting her to put on weight... there are people who can try and try, eat and eat.. but not get fat (even without medical illness). And sad to say, I am one of them... Die la... *L*

But I believe, this shouldnt be a hindrance to marriage.

Well, about your parents.. I feel since they were initially ok with her before this, could there be a hidden reason for them to disapprove? This reason they give may be a masquerade to the actual reason for objection. Try to search for a second reason....

[eivan120 0]

I was like that oso....super thin like a stick!but i eat a lot n i normally go toilet in 2-3 days 1. Dunno where all the food gone to???

Then when i started to date my ex, i started to eat more than i used to, it's lot lot lots. It's a 5 meals a day! Breakfast around 10 (mee lo), Lunch around 1 (rice/mee lo), tea time around 4.30 (snacks like toast, dumplings...), dinner at 7 (rice again), supper around 11 (can be anything but rice) . Before i date him oso i eat a lot already but only 2-3 times meals a day....

Then i got fat! my weight jump from 41 to can't remember 45 OR 48...Some think i'm fat some think i look healthy some think i look good that way.

But i came to KL after that. Start to get thin again (didn't eat like i did in hometown). From there on my weight maintain around 43kg...till now....

[dino82 0]

I was like that oso....super thin like a stick!but i eat a lot n i normally go toilet in 2-3 days 1. Dunno where all the food gone to???

Then when i started to date my ex, i started to eat more than i used to, it's lot lot lots. It's a 5 meals a day! Breakfast around 10 (mee lo), Lunch around 1 (rice/mee lo), tea time around 4.30 (snacks like toast, dumplings...), dinner at 7 (rice again), supper around 11 (can be anything but rice) . Before i date him oso i eat a lot already but only 2-3 times meals a day....

Then i got fat! my weight jump from 41 to can't remember 45 OR 48...Some think i'm fat some think i look healthy some think i look good that way.

But i came to KL after that. Start to get thin again (didn't eat like i did in hometown). From there on my weight maintain around 43kg...till now....

hehe...my gf more or less also the same...eat quite a lot but still can't gain weight..

hmmm....i wonder why? she oso got take supplements like Kordels garlic.

mayb i should follow Pikachu's advice n try to buy her cod-liver oil and multi-vits.

p/s: wow....eivan120...u muz oso gain some weight le... jk only

[MoonAngel 0]

Why your parents treated her so nice at first and only disapprove your relationship with her recently?? I believe that they already can see that she is thin on the first time they meet her?

They were so nice towards your gf, which makes her thought they liked her, and now suddenly give bad comments on her appearence?!! I think this is kindda mean... No offence. Just my opinion. I can imagine how sad your gf is.

I've friends as thin as your gf, but they're very healthy. So if you're buying all the supplements for your gf to make her grow 'fatter', not because she's not healthy or you worry for her health, but to change your parents perception towards her 'appearence', I don't think it's fair for her. If your parents don't meet the expectations of your gf one day, will you reshape them to meet her expectations as well?

One possibility is, your gf's 'appearence' is only an excuse your parents make to ask you to leave her. There may be other reasons that they don't like about her but refuse to talk about it due to certain reasons. If it's the 'appearence' problem, why they continued to treat her so nice even after they'd seen her??

[eivan120 0]

p/s: wow....eivan120...u muz oso gain some weight le... jk only

I'm not underweight so should maintain this weight lo (i don look thin).....Besides...i got this sturborn fats on my arms n thigh so if eat more...i'll really become fat!

[Pikachu 0]

mayb i should follow Pikachu's advice n try to buy her cod-liver oil and multi-vits.

I was only 40kg two years ago when I first enter Uni (two years ago). At the same time faced problems with my skin (pimple outbreaks, dull skin and stuff like that) and I can even count my ribs without touching(just look can ady)! So I tried cod liver oil + Evening Prime Rose capsules. Now nearing 50kg ady~ but I don't look FAT (fats are lighter than muscles bt the way) cos there's not much fats in me but more muscles and my bones are big. So it's worth a try~

[dino82 0]

Why your parents treated her so nice at first and only disapprove your relationship with her recently?? I believe that they already can see that she is thin on the first time they meet her?

They were so nice towards your gf, which makes her thought they liked her, and now suddenly give bad comments on her appearence?!! I think this is kindda mean... No offence. Just my opinion. I can imagine how sad your gf is.

I've friends as thin as your gf, but they're very healthy. So if you're buying all the supplements for your gf to make her grow 'fatter', not because she's not healthy or you worry for her health, but to change your parents perception towards her 'appearence', I don't think it's fair for her. If your parents don't meet the expectations of your gf one day, will you reshape them to meet her expectations as well?

One possibility is, your gf's 'appearence' is only an excuse your parents make to ask you to leave her. There may be other reasons that they don't like about her but refuse to talk about it due to certain reasons. If it's the 'appearence' problem, why they continued to treat her so nice even after they'd seen her??

MoonAngel, wow...i think ur absolutely right. im gonna talk n discuss to my parents based on some of your opinion. thanks ya!

[dino82 0]

I'm not underweight so should maintain this weight lo (i don look thin).....Besides...i got this sturborn fats on my arms n thigh so if eat more...i'll really become fat!

err...but you do look great on d photo by the way..

[eivan120 0]

err...but you do look great on d photo by the way..

Ha ha ha...thanks

[cossie 0]

Hi all....

I really need some advice on this matter. u c...

trust in your heart

[klaudina 0]

topics merged

[zam 0]

well it seems everyone ad gave good advices to temari.. theres not much else to say... so i just give u a for all the best

[Nat_Nat0Lie 0]

What if parents have really high expectation...including husband or boyfriend of your choice/..?

would u feel tht you are so in between..and you would not want to hurt your parents feeling?

what would u do?