Am I a demanding gf?

[Dina 0]

I think i did wrong to my bf by being so demanding. but i dunno if dis is called demanding, coz as a girl of course i want him to take care of me in every way. i understand that he cant really afford to buy me stuff. its just that i see other bf do buy stuff for their gf when they go out shopping, but in my case...i paid myself everytime. he also never buy me gift sometimes as a romantic surprise or wutever romantic things. i tot before we got together, he's the kind of romantic person, but when we are together...he doesnt have any effort for it at all..even for our 1st anniversary last time. i kinda jelous seeing other girl who's being pampered by their bf. feeling inadequate like this makes my heart rebel sometimes (thinking maybe i should just look for other guy). lately we even argue, just because i want to eat in a bit expensive restaurant! I felt kinda shit having this kind of relationship as i am a person who wants a bf who can provide me with everything and comfort. sometimes im not even sure anymore if he really loves me, or just need me. is it wrong for me to feel this way? Or am I materialistic? And if i am, is it wrong anyway??

Edited May 25, 2008 by Dina

[lordy 0]

i dont think its demanding, especially if its a once in a while affair. But i would be interested in the reason for your bf not doing this. Is it for financial reason? Even if he cant buy u gifts all the time, but a gift once in every few months would go a long way.

Of course la, unless ur bf just started working or comes from a poor family, and whatever money he can save is just enough for movies and ordinary dinner. Then in that case, its up to u to decide whether love is more important, or being able to provide u with financial satisfaction is more important. The second thing to think of, is whether u have enough patience for him to stablise financially via salary increment and so on.

Thirdly, in love and relationship, it is very important to enjoy the company for each other, and this includes going for trips, special / anniversary dinner and also gifts.

But i feel what is more important are:

1. How u help each other to grow emotionally, financially and wisdom/knowledge wise

2. How each of you over come problems and difficulties together

3. How each of you work to comprimise on certain things

4. How to develope patience, understanding, support, confidence and trust

Its always easy to say i want this and that, but how many can say that we want this together and got it together?

Its easy for a couple to come together, to hold hands together and walk together.

But its not easy for a couple to remain together, to wake up each morning together (after marriage la ) and to enjoy old age together.

I would be interested to know his reasons for not doing the things you needed to grow in this relationship.

[Dina 0]

lordy...u have points there. its true that he's actually not stable enough in career, still new. i can understand his situation, and dats y i still stay until now..for 1 and a half year. he bought me one present only, that is for my birthday. huh...i duno lordy..sometimes i feel tired of waiting while at the same time things are getting very pressuring. dats coz we stay together. i feel kecik hati also he dun have any effort to give me any surprise. when i ask him y he nvr do a'thing for me...he said coz i oso never do anything for me. yeah..rite..fair enuff...huh.

[carpathia 0]

No, i dont think you are being demanding.

You just chose the wrong bf and you should decide quickly if THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.

Why ? my friend was in same scenario as you before. She buy everything for her BF and he never even do jack shit. it was only until later she realised we were telling her the truth....she was dating a bum and broke off with that guy. After the break up we all told her to GET BACK ALL THE THINGS SHE BOUGHT HIM ( mobile phone, watch, perfume...) and she did.

and you know what? she is happier now being alone than miserable with that bum.

[andrienne 0]

you're not demanding(taken into account of only one present 1 1/2 years). actually i think you don't mind him not buying any presents for you. it's just tht he never took any initiatives to give you any surprises or to make you feel treasured even tho by just simply getting you a card or doing presents to you by his own hands. what you think of the boyfriend is tht he's not willing to put in any effort to make this relationship better or just simply not trying hard enough to make you feel special. perhaps you would try to let him know tht you would appreciate small lil gifts even tho not something expensive once in awhile?? if he says to you once again tht you never did anything for him, list out all of it to prove him wrong(even tho this is highly NOT recommended coz if he's an egoic, this will definitely backfire you).

[Dina 0]

No, i dont think you are being demanding.

You just chose the wrong bf and you should decide quickly if THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.

Why ? my friend was in same scenario as you before. She buy everything for her BF and he never even do jack shit. it was only until later she realised we were telling her the truth....she was dating a bum and broke off with that guy. After the break up we all told her to GET BACK ALL THE THINGS SHE BOUGHT HIM ( mobile phone, watch, perfume...) and she did.

and you know what? she is happier now being alone than miserable with that bum.

well actually i dun buy expensive things for him. its just that i dun feel appreciated and he did not prove how much he love me by having any effort for our relationship

[Dina 0]

you're not demanding(taken into account of only one present 1 1/2 years). actually i think you don't mind him not buying any presents for you. it's just tht he never took any initiatives to give you any surprises or to make you feel treasured even tho by just simply getting you a card or doing presents to you by his own hands. what you think of the boyfriend is tht he's not willing to put in any effort to make this relationship better or just simply not trying hard enough to make you feel special. perhaps you would try to let him know tht you would appreciate small lil gifts even tho not something expensive once in awhile?? if he says to you once again tht you never did anything for him, list out all of it to prove him wrong(even tho this is highly NOT recommended coz if he's an egoic, this will definitely backfire you).

hy adrienne...i think u totally know how i felt..thx for being understanding. before we got together, we were frens and i can totally see how much effort he put to go after a girl he likes. i sort of kecik hati when on our 1st anniversary he din have that kinda effort he use to have for that girl. seriously i cant forget this and i totally feel unappreciated. his excuse was that time he dun have much money to do anything special or buy me anything. i've waited this long, going tru hard time with him...now im felt lost whether i should continue this r'ship.

[EveEve90 0]

Hey... U'r not demanding. In my opinion, he can actually buy u stuff sumtimes. He can save up money then get u sumthing nice. Well, whether to continue this relationship or not, its up to you. Maybe you should hint him a bit. Like saying, I'll like it if u buy that for me. Something like that. Cheer up gal, I'm sure if he doesnt change there'r loads of better guys for you! N, I'm actually a quite demanding gf. N gets jealous easily too! Hehe!

[Teff 0]

I dont think you are demanding at all. It's what you call nature that a girl wants to be pampered all the time. But if the guy doesnt have the means to, then perhaps a girl cant expect it all the time, buy hey the guy's gotta make an effort at least for every special ocassion in a year to buy you gifts and stuff. I am lucky enuff to have a partner who buys me stuff all the time without me asking for them and sometimes I come to a point where I'd say "Enuff already!" because I hardly buy anything for him and to be frank I feel guilty. But as for your case, am guessing that you tend to think a lot like "Why isnt he taking the initiative to buy/do romantic stuff for me" esp given the fact that u have noticed in the past that he would do/buy things to court a girl. If he's not doing it to/for you, then perhaps he doesnt think you're worth it. Sorry to say but if my guy were to be so obviously cheap, I'd walk out the door. Yeah love is love but if your man's gonna be a tightwad in a relationship for the one he claims to LOVE, then it's just a case of you being taken for granted, dont you think? Call me materialistic, call me a bitch, call me mean, whatever, but if my man could do/did something for a girl he likes but gets in a relationship with me and does absolutely NOTHING, dont the alarm bells start ringing??

Edited May 26, 2008 by Teff

[starlynn 0]

lordy...u have points there. its true that he's actually not stable enough in career, still new. i can understand his situation, and dats y i still stay until now..for 1 and a half year. he bought me one present only, that is for my birthday. huh...i duno lordy..sometimes i feel tired of waiting while at the same time things are getting very pressuring. dats coz we stay together. i feel kecik hati also he dun have any effort to give me any surprise. when i ask him y he nvr do a'thing for me...he said coz i oso never do anything for me. yeah..rite..fair enuff...huh.

i think its very bad when he said u're not doing anyting special 4 him & thr4 he is not gonna do anyting special 4 u either..when u love sum1 u r not supposed 2b so calculative on who is buying what for who and emphasizing on the price of the gift makes it worse. If he truly loves u, i blif he wld wanna pamper u on & off with gud fud or expensive gifts just to make u happy and let u know he loves u very much. but of cos its the thought that counts.

perhaps you should have a chat with him not on the gifts part but overall relationship/commitment both of u are having now. try not to raise ur tone/argue cos when an argument erupts, u tend to use unpleasant words on each other. after the chat, if both think dat its not gonna work out (might be due to differences in character/personality/attitute/requirement) its time to pack ur bag and leave..

[Miu 0]

I believe that when you love a person, you would always want to make her/him happy.

One of the ways is buying something that she likes or might like from the bottom of your heart no matter how expensive or inexpensive it is.

In the end even a do-it-yourself card or heart shape wrap rose is beautiful enough!

[chinadoll 0]

my bf is those who needs to be told what to do, to be given 1001 hints, to be pushed and has zero talent in giving surprises. nvertheless, he is one understanding and loving fella. it might sound like i'm the one being in charge in the r/ship, but it's pretty balanced.

like dina's bf, he hardly buys me gifts, often saying that he's lacking in the funding department. the only time he would buy me gifts is during my bday. and that also i must hint. and he failed kao kao at surprising me because he kept asking me questions about the present he was about to purchase. but of course i understand that he's financially disabled because he's still a university student afterall. but little gifts ( no matter how cheap) goes a long way,im sure most girls will understand this. occasionally, i will buy gifts for him, not only for his birthday/special occasions. im just hoping that he knows that small details count.

i might sound like im being a lil materialistic here and might attack me with all those " as long as u love each other, presents don't matter" advice, but i think girls who are going through the same situation will understand. afterall, r/ships are about give and take right.

[tsukushi 0]

ya know dina - my BF is like dat also earlier on.. it's always me buying his presents for Bday & our anniversary also seem to be putting more effort in the relationship. And I did at one point felt kecik hati.

but after a while, one of his friends point out that how badly he was treating me so he changed and then learn to communicate to me more. at the same time, he always pay for our dates. Not many gifts but he always treats me to nice place to eat. Though now I told him I don't mind not going to any restaurants and just hav a normal meal at the mamak rather than say steak or steam boat dinner since I know he's saving up for our wedding next year.

The point is - u're not demanding. ur feeling ur giving too much and he's only taking which i€s normal for you to end up being upset. talk to him and tell him your feelings or hav sumone else ( a friend or family member) tell him. And if he really cares for you he will change. good luck dearie

[Dina 0]

Do you girls pay for the food when going out for dating and do you buy things for your bf too? emm...just want to know

[suYUki 0]

Do you girls pay for the food when going out for dating and do you buy things for your bf too? emm...just want to know

At times i do pay when we go dating and do buy things for my bf too. Girl, not all expenses guy must pay, i know lots of girl, they always expect guys or bf to pay ALL expenses, i do have colleague that WANT her bf to pay ALL, by this way, she felt that it is gentlemen but for me i don't because i know my bf financial, i understand my bf well enough, i know where he use his money and so on, so i don't really mind about it. Not like he uses his money to gamble, spend on nonsense, spend on alcohol, spend on women etc.

From the way you told us about your relationship, i felt that you could not bear it any longer, IF he is not the type of guy your adore or he had not reach your expectation when it comes to financial, just end it as soon, it is better to end it earlier than to bear it forever, you got to ask your self, can you bear it forever. Try talk to him about it, if he really do love you, he might change??

btw, did you pay the food or buy things of him off and on?

Edited June 8, 2008 by suYUki

[sandra.siaoli 0]

At times i do pay when we go dating and do buy things for my bf too. Girl, not all expenses guy must pay, i know lots of girl, they always expect guys or bf to pay ALL expenses, i do have colleague that WANT her bf to pay ALL, by this way, she felt that it is gentlemen but for me i don't because i know my bf financial, i understand my bf well enough, i know where he use his money and so on, so i don't really mind about it. Not like he uses his money to gamble, spend on nonsense, spend on alcohol, spend on women etc.

From the way you told us about your relationship, i felt that you could not bear it any longer, IF he is not the type of guy your adore or he had not reach your expectation when it comes to financial, just end it as soon, it is better to end it earlier than to bear it forever, you got to ask your self, can you bear it forever. Try talk to him about it, if he really do love you, he might change??

btw, did you pay the food or buy things of him off and on?

i agree with suyuki.. i do pay for the food sometimes, as i know not all the expenses mush bare by the guy.

but Dina, you need to ask yourself clear if he is the guy that you really want..

[bi4tch 0]

Dina, you're not being demanding. It's a normal thing for girls to wanna be pampered by her BF. I am also like that, I like it when my BF takes the initiative to plan things for me, surprise gifts, pay for me (however if it's expensive stuff, i'll pay for it, or share the cos), make free time for me on special ocassions, etc.

What u should really do is talk it out with him. Let him know your problem, tell him that u dont like it. Ask him if he can change. But of course, u have to give time for him to change, he cant change overnight. In the end, it's u that have to decide, is this they guy you want? It's normal that guys be sweet to u when they are chasing you. Then when u couple with him, his initiatives drop, more n more. But it is up to u to bring back those initiatives. Really, try talking about it with him.

Do you girls pay for the food when going out for dating and do you buy things for your bf too? emm...just want to know

Yeah I do pay sometimes, but most of the time my bf pays. When i know he's low on cash, I'll insist to pay.

Because I know its not fair to him to pay all the times, because he's still studying, not working.

I do buy things for him, and he is quite materialistic, so i tend to buy expensive stuff for him.

[girlie08 0]

i had one experience before with this guy which is my colleague. Actually i dun mind to pay for the meal since the guy always told me dat he have no money, but the problem is every time i pay for the meal, he always said that if he don't take the money i ll angry with him which is never happen. He always said that from the start of our relationship.. =.="

[dee 0]

haha. if you're demanding, i am way more demanding than you. i usually hint what i want. and if i don't get it, i will get frustrated. and normally, my ex follow orders. i prefer enjoying life, so, we always dine in nice restaurant, so far i only pay when it's his birthday. if he is to bring me to a not nice restaurant, i rather not eat. and i always tell him, if u have no money, don't bring me out. its better not bringing me out than hurting our relationship.

[bubble12 0]

i dont think you are demanding lo. ur bf is still a student is it?? u are so patient with him dy. every gals wanto be pampered by her bf.. my ex oso like this, wont gimme any surprise after we stable. AND, he is WORKING!! but he still told me that he gt no money everyday, even he just got his salary.. he is too stingy d.. so i've decided to broke up with him last month. maybe ur case better than me..

[bubble12 0]

i even didnt get my birthday present, valentine's n 1st anniversary... wat a useless man..

[Joukowski 0]

i even didnt get my birthday present, valentine's n 1st anniversary... wat a useless man..

uh-oh, what are you going to do to make him suffer?

[tsukushi 0]

u know - I don't really think that to treat a girl nicely = spending money.

if he's not showering u with gifts, does not mean he love u any less?

[sharon333 0]

I would have to agree. I would think that it depends on the relationship.

[Dina 0]

haha. if you're demanding, i am way more demanding than you. i usually hint what i want. and if i don't get it, i will get frustrated. and normally, my ex follow orders. i prefer enjoying life, so, we always dine in nice restaurant, so far i only pay when it's his birthday. if he is to bring me to a not nice restaurant, i rather not eat. and i always tell him, if u have no money, don't bring me out. its better not bringing me out than hurting our relationship.

haha..u r darn demanding girl. actually i was like u last time oso..until i know my bf..until i love him so much dat i try not being demanding a'more. Its juz dat now he's become ignorant totally n never show me appreciation anymore...some more said im materialistic!!