A story about a part of my life..

[epileatheral 0]

Here's a short story about a part of my life...

Many years back, I was not like how I am now. I used to be somewhat sweet, naive, foolish, in fact silly.. but no ill intentions. I'm poor with girls.. don't really know what to do about them.

I have alot of romantic and sweet ideas. During my secondary year.. I was very popular among girls. Not as in romantic popular, but I'm always the thorn among the rose. I was their very good guy friend. But then, I never really know how to take advantage of that, nor I did ever thought of doing so. But among these girls, there's a girl I liked alot... CL.

Back then, I never had the courage to tell her. I don't even know how to do so. So, years went by. She went on with a couple guys, and I so did I went on with another girl. Then, in my final year in university... somehow, we got together. It was blissful... some of the happiest times in my life. It's like we have went a big round, and finally god bestow us and let us be together.

But.. it was very shortlived. She met some guy at the bowling alley, and she left me for him. A mixed indian guy.

I was totally heartbroken. Didn't eat anything for days. Failed my semester. Suicidal in fact. After a while, I recovered, thanks to supportive friends. Eventually, I earned the Label,

Playboy. I had many relationships.. none of them survive more than 3 months. For a few years. I was like that. And I become somewhat like how I am now.. relentless, and ruthless in relationships. Then, during a CNY gathering 3 or more years ago.. I told my friend.. that I realize that I never really had move on since breaking up with CL. My friend told me to wake up,

coz' she's happily married now. All that while, I always wished for bad things to happen to her. I wished that her husband will have an affair and betray her and other negative things like that. Then, one day, I finally WOKE UP and move on, when I saw her holding her newborn baby with that guy.

And since then.. I'm what I am now. Practical.. rational. I don't really trust LOVE fully now. And I've realize and finalize that a RELATIONSHIP, MUST improve your life, NOT OTHERWISE. If OTHERWISE, then forget it. Some say you'll never know till you try.. maybe, but alot of times, we know, but we are just lying to ourselves all because of LOVE. So, that has become my universal philisophy. My family us UTMOST important to me. If I know she will never get along with my family, I'll end the relationship. Just like what happened to me and my recent ex, who I know will never get along with my mom. I ended it ruthlessly before it's too late. True enough... over those years, I've hurt quite a number of people. That's why I stopped doing so for sometime.. and prefer to stay single, unless I find that person which is really who I wanted.. with no compromise. I won't wanna have someone just for the sake of having someone. I'm not seeking to be CRAZILY in love, but rather someone that I would like to spend my lifetime with and improve my life and make it worth living.

So, what makes me , all of a sudden, wrote all these grandmother story? Yesterday I think back about alot of things. Ever since I received a piece of news from my friend.

CL... is divorced.

It seems like what I've wished for came true! So, do you think I'm happy?

No.. I wasn't. Not at all. I realized at times, we wished for the wrong things. That part of me that hated her wish for that. But that part of me that loved felt sad and painful. She might not have a big income as a nurse.. and she have to take care of a children, being a single parent, I bet she's having a hard life now. How's her life now? I wonder and worry.

Sigh.. life is like a drama indeed. Believe it or not, her photo is still in my wallet. And it's the 7th wallet since we broke up.

[shan shan 0]

thanks for sharing, dunno what to say, but your story is quite well written.

[epileatheral 0]

Thanks Shan.

Alot of people asked me, will I go back to her. What do you all think.

[millie 0]

It really depends whether she have feelings for you. Otherwise you're going to find that your heart will be broken once again

[shan shan 0]

If you still love her, you can try to go back to her.

[lovetobepretty 0]

No you wont or rather you should not. You are still clinging onto past memories. but over the years everything has changed. you have changed and she would have too. it is an irreversible process. if you step into it again, what would your expectations be?that everything remains the same after all that happened? nah dont go and taste the bitter truth.

[yikaln 0]

things keep changing but there are some things that will never change.. she is your past but if you really still love her, no harm trying once more.. it's better than you keep guessing what is her answer..

[epileatheral 0]

My take is the same as lovetobepretty.

The truth is, I'm totally not considering to go back to her at all. I can't say I don't love her anymore.But I will be totally irrational to go back after her again coz' it will do no good to anyone at all since both of us, or at least, me myself.. already have a comfortable and good life. I'm pretty happy with my life now, stable income, good career, any a happy family. I can't imagine if I go back to her, bringing her into the family with someone else's kid. My mom will SCREAM! My family is of utmost importance to me.

Everything now is pretty complete now. All I need is just a person to share my life. A person without much troubled background like me. Selfish it may seems, but I believe that's the basis of a healthy family. If I'm back with her.. what if one day the ex-husband come back, how about the kid issues? There's too many variables and potential threat in that relationship. Thus, rationally speaking, I still have many better choices. For two person to be together, there's many other important factors besides LOVE. I've long passed the age of "LOVE IS EVERYTHING, LOVE CONQUERS ALL".

So, well.. no.. I definitely wont go back and go after her again, but rather, I'll spend the time to improve and construct my current life.

What I'm trying to express here is, during our lives.. we make alot of decisions.. It's kinda scary to see how these decision can change our lives.

[tash 0]

am really kind of shocked...wat goes around come around...oh ma god i can feel wat r u feeling right now...mine case is a bit similar to urs....but the thing is that u ive dumpd ma ex..because ma family dnt like him....n he was ma first n true love...n now am married to some one else..the thing is that i dnt have any kid yet and i love ma husband very much....

one thing i know she had hurt u a lot in da past ...but if u really kind of love her.....how can u curse n wish bad thing to happen to her....come on....n the fact that wen bad thing happened to her now u r feeling sorry...we must never wish some one bad things u can never know these things might come true..

am really scared if these things happen to me one day...hope not...n i pray that he is happy with some one else who is much better than me....

as if u wanna go back wix her again....well u sud think abt ur family esp ur mum...and spend most of ur time looking for some one.she might be heartbroken as well but she need to get over wiz it as u did wen u wer heartbroken...i bet u dnt think of her all da time just once in a while ..or wen u r feeling low..isnnt...life goes on...n i wud surly request u to stop playing the playboy and find a partner for ur life.....take ur time n choose the best one.good luck

[epileatheral 0]

Nah.. I was never playing playboy. Like I've mentioned, I've been single for quite many years already. At that time, I was rather lost, and had alot of failed relationship. I never had intentions of playing around. It's just that to the perception of the people around me, I'm a playboy.

[soulless 0]

Guess not going back is the right choice. Something I realised was, deeply cut wound can be healed, but scar will forever be there which will keep reminding you how you get the cut. Some ppl might say, they are adult and mature, will think rationally, honestly when things happen, all grandparents, even great grandparents stories will all re-sufface. So no point wasting your time unnecessary. Glad you really know what you want.

[andrienne 0]

i think your feeling now would rather be very sorry for her and perhaps you might consider somewhere in you to help her abit as a friend. somehow your story gives me that feeling of guilt from you as you wished of bad things to happen to her and now it's happening, you feel like perhaps you played a part in that. somehow there will always be that someone that we yearn to forget but we will never be able to even when feelings are changed...even when you don't even have any feelings for that someone anymore because that someone is the one that made a big impact on you, enough to change your whole life. we're ought to meet someone like tht sooner or later in life.

[Giselle 0]

Wow, so touching yet so dramatic. Not really grandmother story but I think not many guys would really truly tell about their past. Give a big hand to you If for me, I would definitely go back to the guy that I love =x sounds not good I know. I believe that things happened with reason. Maybe this made u go through many things and god wants you to go through this before you can be together with the one you truly love for so long. I think you doing all those after she betrayed you, are because you wanna release your frustration. I feel for you xx

[glitzzz 0]

They say that the past teaches us many lessons, and the times we forget it, it slips between the cracks and creeps its way back to us as a gentle reminder of the pain and happiness we momentarily forgot.

It is life’s own way of telling us a story, of teaching us to grow up, no matter how distorted life may seem.

Perhaps the happy memories are there to remind us that we were once loved and the unhappy ones to tell us that we’ve grown.