2 posts in this topic

Hi everyone, 

I need help. I'm 28 and I'm in a long distance relationship. He's away for 3 months and he's back again for one month. 

I love him, we've been nearly 2 years together. Our only problem is that we never really made love. Both of us want it, but I'm a virgin. Having never done it, I have this constant fear that it's painful. And it doesn't help reading about it online where some girls say that it hurts a lot, even my close friends. 


We've tried everything. But every time we try, i tense up and pain flashes on my mind. I panic and we stop. And we only have one month to try and when it fails, we have to wait out the next 3 months. The frustration is real and sometimes I feel he expects from me (although he never says it).

I've read that vaginal dilators seem to help. But they seem to be the same as using my own fingers. (I can't even put my own finger in)

Does anyone know where to get dilators? I've searched online. And only one company in Malaysia sells it. Ben Way, and its easily RM 300 plus. 

If anyone has /had the same issue, I would love to hear your experience and how you overcame it. 


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Wow, this is a long time ago. Hope you found your solution.

First off, I'm a guy.

Scientifically speaking, with the benefit of my past partners' experience:

  • First time is likely to be painful. Unless you're one of the lucky ones (tore your hymen during sports, etc.)
  • Second time is not painful, just tight. Fear may scare you away, though. But then that means no more intimacy for you.
  • The first time is the most painful. It's good after. Unless you have a lousy partner.
  • Some girls like it rough - a little bit of fear of pain causes a rush of adrenaline; increases the heart rate and breathing, reduces pain.
  • Sex before you're properly lubricated is a little bit painful, and exciting.

That's what I'm told, anyway.

Then again, some girls are forever lubricated just thinking. Personally, I think I have way less interest in sex than any of my past / present partner(s. My definition of fulfillment is reading Newton or Einstein's works at the library.)

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