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chix87

Cheating Hubby... over & over again~~Why i'm still here??

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Hye,

im new here....and i have pblm in my married life... im married young when we both was 20yrs old..Nw we r 26th yrs old... in 6 years of marriage life, he keeps on betraying me and not being serious in our marriage life... When i found out his affair, he will kneel down,cried and ask me to stay.. I love him very much, and i gv him chances over & over again..

 

 But, since last year, he is being playboy again... But this time play around with China girl... since he has affair,our sex life become less... and he ignored me... what makes me mad is, the China girl is bad looking than me.. well, im free thinker, if he went thr and just drink n have fun without having serious relationship, im ok with it.... i wouldnt mad... But they having a serious relationship like he's going to make her his wife... thats hurt me a lot...

 

 Let me tell u, im good looking, 2 daughter but still have the figure... Outsiders would not noe im married with kids if i x tell them... so, i dunno what he wants more... im good in cooking, taking care of children, housework, and im a career woman too... until today, we just had our big fight in our married life.. i can't stand anymore... its hurt.. y dont i went out and cheat on him?? will he forgive me like i always forgive him???

 

 Now, im not having my happy married life anymore.. im thinking of divorce but also thinking the consequences on my 2 lovely daughter... But i cant live with him like with betraying our love over & over?? Im young.. i need love,true & pure.. not betrayed!!! What shud i do guys?? Help me??? I also can find my affair if i want, but will i be happy???? :shocking:

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There is a reason you are still married. Every time you think of divorce, that reason will hold you back.

 

What will you teach your daughters about marriage? You need to answer this question before you make a decision, whether you should remain married.

 

History teaches us that there is only one true & pure love - God's love (if you believe in God -- otherwise there is no true & pure love.)  We are human, and therefore fallible, imperfect and prone to betrayal and mistakes.

 

However.

 

There is no room for repeated mistakes. If a man / woman repeats his / her mistakes over and over again, he / she is not sincere in his / her word.  As I like to say: The first time is forgiven -- we are only human; the second time is forgiven -- he / she is just slow; the third is my mistake -- it ends here.  Less forgiving people would say: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

 

That he is still cheating on you 6 years after your vows is clear indication that he will not be changing, now or ever.

 

You cannot and should not try to be your hubby's teacher and try to teach him the error of his ways. It wouldn't work, anyway.

 

Personally, I think 20 yrs is too young to be married.  Whatever the law says, neither of you were mature enough to understand what a marriage is, or understand one another properly. In fact, I think you're still too young. ;)

 

Young as you are, you still need to make a decision.  Marriage is a full-time commitment, for your whole life.  The decision you must make now is: to re-commit yourselves (this time your commitment involves your whole family) and make your marriage work or die trying; or to give up now and get out.  Either way, you will need to consider the lesson you are teaching your daughters.  They do not have the benefit of your experience, and whatever words you use with them, they will learn most from your actions.

 

I'm sorry, we cannot make your decision for you -- you will have to make them for yourself.  However, if you want it, between us we can offer our experience, our knowledge, a third person POV, moral support, opinions, etc...  Your life is your own.  You carry the responsibility for the future of your daughters.  Although we offer our opinions, you must finally take responsibility for your own paths.

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hey...thx for ur respond...

ya, i noe that my life is my own decision... im the one should choose whr to go and how to live with it..... i do thinking of my childrens, but i can't stay longer with him anymore...... thing keeps repeat every year..... He doesn't love me anymore, and i can't stay with someone who doesn't appreciate what i do for him..... It's not cool to forgive him for the same mistake... This is not so called Mistakes, he chooses this way.. He want this family to be broken.... he should noe the consequences bcos the way he acting..... I just wanna share, other people thought bout this matter, i mean, anyone had experience this kind of situation b4.. c if i could make real decision for me and my children's life.....

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Hye,

 

In my humble opinion, I would suggest that you try to meet up with the girl he is having affair with. Not with any comfrontation but in a gentle way. Try to tell her that what she is doing is ruining not only your life but your children as well.

I know that many China girls here are after our men for money only but in remote possibility, maybe she could understand your situation and leave her relationship.

On the other hand, maybe you should be looking at the reason(s) why your husband is having affair as well because that is the root of the problem and work out from there since he have cheated on other different girls before.

This could be because of his work (maybe he need to meet alot of girls), his friends (maybe most of his friends are playboys) or lack of private time with you (long or odd working hours) or maybe because he is bored with his sexual life.

If he is just bored with his sexual life with you (possibly as you married early), try to spice up the relationship by doing something special during intercause. I understand that this would be difficult especially after a big fight, but try to give in for the sake of the relationship and children.

Finding an affair for yourself is a double sided sword which maybe make it better (because you could in a way could be happy and he would start to feel jealous) or maybe make it worst (if he gets upset over it).

I'm no expert but try to think about it. Afterall you would be fighting to keep your family in the end :)

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hye sonia....

i did think what makes him do this me... there a few reasons, we were working together since married and our working hours was very long... and currently he mix up with useless friends too... they all playboy, all have family too... itry to stop him not to mix too much with them but x work.. So, i x not blame his frens too....

 

i x blame the China girl too, cause i noe they come here for earning money, and they don't care hw big family u have.... they only want $$... Maybe he's bored bcos of working n facing me in long hours...i understand... but he doesnt think what im going to feel....

 

 he's been sick for 1week last weekand been hospitalised, we were in big fight jz a day before... and i cant leave him behind and taking care of him for that 1 week even im crying deep inside..... back home, i thought maybe he's change his mind, realize my sacrifice... But he dont~~~~ still contacting with the girl until today... So, today i have make real big decisions in my life... I have handed over all related documents for divorcing to my lawyer... No, i cant live with him anymore.. i have tried so much to save our marriage... and he didn't!!! Now, just waiting the official divorced letter to be signed.... I dunno if he did think of saving aour marriage anymore.... :(

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it was not the ending i was hoping for you.

nevertheless sometimes tough decisions need to be made in life. i do hope that you could go over this without much problem.

Lastly before the official papers are signed, maybe you could discuss the matter with your close family members and friends as you would definitely need alot of moral support from them in the coming tough days.

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Dear chix87,

 

From where I am looking right now, I think you are choosing the best scenario for you.

I agree that no matter how many chance you give him, he will not change becos he don't see the need to.

However, one might question why he did it?

Is he really a playboy? or becos of something else? :)

 

One can keep looking at another and find fault of another not realising that one is also at fault.

You keep saying you are pretty and stuff like that, but one can ask why your husband choose someone that is not that pretty over someone he already has, who is much prettier?

The answer might be becos he got burn by someone pretty?

 

The above is something one should ponder for it takes two to create a problem or a fight.

 

I am not saying you should go back to him but for your own good and future as well as for your children, you should look deep into yourself and see whether you are the problem to begin with?

I do not know you but I know enough that human only see outward and never inward.

One should reflect within for what is within attract what is without. When one change within then without change with them.

 

The above sounded like you are the cause of this entire scenario but its just a presumption and I am not blaming you. As I said, I don't know you and I don't know the entire situation. I might hear your side of the story but I did not hear his side of the story. Only when I hear both side does the whole story come to being and not just half. Just like your marriage, it takes two to become one. :)

 

Yes yes, you already file your divorce and see this entire thing that I have written as particularly small but what makes you think the entire scenario won't replay itself? If you are the problem that I can say, "Its not over." :)

 

Peace be with you.

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First of all, you must understand that almost all men around that age are "Adventurous". They will keep trying out new things in life including new sexual partners. I would say 90% of men.

 

As for the Chinadolls, they can easily outperformed you on bed bcos naturally they are very good at it, (thru feedback from male friends). I have never tried b4 bcos I cant communicate with them. I am English Ed. You cant beat them.

 

Based on my experience and wisdom, here's my suggestion. Do the things that the Chinadolls cant do!

 

1) Cook different and nice food for your hubby. Learn to cook something new everyweek. Get some recipe book. Know what's his favourite food.

 

2) Improvised your Sexual Technology while you on bed. Dont keep repeating the same pattern/routine till he bored of you. Get some Female Nutrition to juice-up yourself (let me know if you want to know the product).

 

3) Never talk to him abt your competitor or question him at all. It will end-up as quarrel! Pretend that you dont know so that he wont hide too many things from you.

 

4) Drained him - Estimate the day/s that he would see the chinadoll. Tell him that your urge for sex is high and make him "Dried/Tired". By doing so, he might not be able to perform when he meet her.

 

5) Suspecting that he is seeing the chinagal, call him in the middle of her Outing and tell him that you need him on bed, ask him to come back earlier as your urge is high. By doing this, he might just cancel his adventure and come back to serve you.

 

Hope the above "Reverse Technology" could help you get back your husband. If the above are not enough, let me know, I will give you more advice from a men perspective.

 

 

Be Happy :-)

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cheating is to not let them sad, although i do know more guys in sugarbook,com but i do pretend i am very loyal to ensure our relationship can be maintained

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