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Emily12

I do not know what should i do...

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I normally don't share my personal problem with others because i think myself is a terrible person and my problem is not worth to be discussed. But this time, i feel the need to share my feelings with others and listen to opinions.

 

I had just requested a break up with my boyfriend of 6 years. The problem is because i cannot accept his family especially his mother. His mother is mentally sick but refused to see doctor. So her condition just gets worst and she do weird stuff all the time. I have heard stories of her breaking a glass coffee table because she is upset with someone, hitting my bf's grandmother's head (because she do not like his grandmother), and hiding my bf's sunglasses at the bathroom window and said she never seen it. 

 

I'm renting a house together with my bf in KL. My bf is from Sarawak, his family is there. His mother often wants to come over and stay and i really dislike it. When she is here, she interrupted me and my bf's everyday's lifestyle. She made both us feel uncomfortable with her weirdness. When we are eating, watching movie, or do our own things, she would sit there and stare at us. It is just weird. 

 

The first time her mother came, i treated her nicely and tried to communicate with her, just to find out that she was talking bad about me behind my back and even asked my bf to break up with me.

 

For the past years, i endured it and only hide in my own bedroom when she was here. Then last year, i would go back to my own house whenever she came. This year, she want to come again. I feel that it will never end. So i asked for a break up with my bf. I talked nicely to him and asked him to understand my situation that not every girl can communicate well with a mentally sick person. Especially not me, because myself have difficulty even talking to normal people.

 

I really want to end this once and for all. I feel really seriously tired with the stress everytime my bf tells me that she want to come. Even my bf is stressed and we had been quarreling a lot because of this matter. I feel that breaking up is the best solution because i really cannot make myself accept his mother in any way. I have tried but it just don't work out.

 

His dad and younger brother starts to dislike me as well because I cannot accept my bf's mother coming over to stay. They have also been scolding my bf and call him irresponsible and a bad son. In this situation, i really cannot see any hope or future in our relationship. 

 

I feel that his entire family is very not understanding. Even talking nicely to them about this is useless. 

 

I really enjoy being together with my bf but not with his mother. My bf is very good to me. It is very sad for me to end this relationship but i don't want to be facing in-laws like that for the rest of my life in the future.

 

Being in this relationship, i finally understand what it means by, "nothing is perfect".

 

If anyone have a better solution for me and think that i should not break up with my bf, please help me and share your opinion. Thank you so much for reading and for your opinion.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Only two options for you:

 

1. Since your BF is really good to u, so u should tolerate his mother, no matter what she is the one gave birth to him and raise him up, accept the truth and try to find a way to compromise

 

2. if you think u really can not accept his mother and now including his family, then u better leave him ASAP and move forward, because this will nvr be an end...

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I have to agree with Debbie Wan.

Those two option is a direct solution to your problem.

 

Truth is, if I am in your shoe, I would choose 2 no matter how madly in love with that someone.

You are going to live with his family and mother for life if you are ok going on with it.

Things won't be improving any time soon from the look at the story above and if you are ok with it then you yourself have to improved.

I do not know you but this situation looks like you are the one who is going to get improved.

If not, then you won't be asking the question above.

 

However, as I said, I don't know you so I don't know how bad or good you were on treating others as well as yourself. So I am not saying your bf parents and mother is in the right or you are in the right. This option above is quite clear.

 

1st option is you have to suffer to it all in order to be happy. Don't ask me when happiness will come your way but you have to stick to your relationship. One word for the 1st option, suffering.

 

2nd option is you leave and be done with it. You may suffer some set back but it won't be long and there is more happiness in the near future if you know where to look for it. :)

 

So either suffer more or suffer less. :)

 

Peace be with you.

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It doesn't sound like you love your bf. :)

 

True love is blind, in a way. In this context, being blind doesn't mean you don't see clearly. Even blind people have other senses that enable them to "see", after all. Anyway, in this context, being blind is choosing to accept imperfections in favour of love. *Choosing*. Not accepting imperfections because you are feeling "in love". "Choosing" means you make a commitment to accept whatever problems there are, to be with the one you love.

 

Frankly, I don't believe you really love your bf. You probably felt you did at the beginning, but now? That feeling has faded.

 

I would advise both you AND your bf to break up. His mother is right. You should have listened to her.

 

There's no point suffering if you don't love him.

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