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judymaccolm

From priceless to worthless

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What is the greatest pain in breaking up?

Betrayal? Disappointment? Anger? Or even lost?

I believe you who are reading this entry, the greatest pain in breaking up is that you realized things have changed and of course, someone that you used to know and used to love have changed. Things ain’t the same like before.

I guess it’s my bitching on my ex time lol, I just use him to elucidate this entry.
At our initial stage of our relationship, I was like the only man in the world. He used to pamper me, he used to text me to ask me where I am or what im doing, he would took me out for dinner, he gave me surprises (though I already knew the surprises but I had to play dumb), he gave his best care and attention to me. He loved me a lot until he addressed me as ‘baby’.

But as the relationship turned bitter, I was like a stranger for him. Our conversation became lesser followed by gradually reduced care and love. To make it short, I used to be a baby but after we broke up, I was just an acquaintance.

I always feel that why people who I used to love have the tendency to treat me as priceless in initial stage to worthless at the end. Am I that not worthy enough?

http://alvin-jude.blogspot.com/2012/05/from-priceless-to-worthless.html

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Dear judymaccolm,

"You are like the wind flying everywhere looking for a safe place to land and to start, but like the wind, you did not notice the ground is below your feet."


From the thread you have written, I can see you are looking for happiness in another. In actual fact, I believe that you think that happiness can [b]only[/b] come from another.

Now you are reminiscing on the past again. Let me tell you why break up hurts. It is becos you reminisce too much of the past. It is not hard to let go of your Ex for after all, he is not extraordinary but very human. It is the [u]moment of happiness[/u] that he represent that is very hard to let go. He is long gone but yet you still suffer becos your mind keep playing this "moment of happiness" record in your head like a movie recorder without a play or a pause button. You keep seeing the "happy you" in that movie and when you compare to Now, you think you have lost that happiness forever. And so on and on you keep looking into that "Beautiful Movie of Happy You" and not wanting to stop it since it is the movie you hope and wish to live in. [b]SO[/b] you are pretty much trap within your mind. And that mind is making you suffer by letting you compare the movie in your head and the Now.

[i]Betrayal? Disappointment? Anger? Or even lost?[/i]

[u]Betrayal[/u], why do you feel that way? Becos you think you belong to him and he belong to you. So he broke up with you, and in doing so broke up your fantasy. Let me tell you something harsh, YOU DON'T OWN HIM. For example, you own a pretty dress that you really want for a long time. When your mother manage to buy them, you wear it once then after that you put it in the cupboard. Worse, you forget about it and 10 years later you open the cupboard and found the dress again. Of course the dress won't be mad since it belong to you and it can't talk back. So everything [u]you own[/u] can be control or handle by you. You can treat it however you want and you can do with it whatever you see fit. BUT can you do it to a person?

So no, you don't own his body, his mind, his time, his money and his place. You own nothing. Nothing of his belongs to you. :)

I can pretty much imagine the horror in you. [b]SO[/b] why are you together? Everything doesn't belong to you so why should you be with a guy?

The only thing that belongs to both of you is the bond call relationship. A small string that attach and pull both of you together. That is the only thing you both have and belongs to both of you. Over time however, the bond will thicken but with what? Love? Anger? Disappointment? Hate? Happiness? :) It is for both of you to decide what to thicken that bond with, and I hope it is love but I know too well that many people love suffering more than love.


[u]Disappointment[/u], of course you will be disappointed becos you are trap in the future. You fantasize too much in the future and saw that only the future holds true happiness for you. You are wrong becos the future is an illusion, and the only time you can find happiness is [b]Now[/b].

The future is something you should not look forward too much to. It is a time that has not arrive and when it arrive, it won't be call future but called [b]Now[/b]. So why can you live in the present instead of the future?

The future hold two result that is you manage to get what you are looking for and are happy about it [u]or[/u] you don't get what you want and are disappointed about it. Eventhough you get what you want in the future, usually the happiness won't last long and then you began to plan again. Yup, future is all about planning, you plan how to find a bf and when you get him, you plan further your date, your time, his time, your day, his day and etc etc finally marriage. Can't you stop planning for once and [u]let life[/u] give you the surprise?
Planning is not a bad thing. After you plan things that you need to do for today or tomorrow then come back to the present instead of fantasizing in the future and get trap there [u]again[/u].

[u]Anger[/u], of course, becos you plan and fantasize out everything that involve him. Now he broke all your plans and fantasy apart. You are angry becos he broke your plans and fantasy. YOUR plan. See, very personal. When it comes to my, I, myself and me, it is always VERY personal.

[u]Lost[/u], very obvious since in your mind, the image you see yourself being in the relationship is shattered. Suddenly, the image of yourself in relationship is no more and eventhough your mind try and repair it, it cannot becos there is nothing to grasp. Your image is shattered and so you lost your identity. So you are lost. :) ... For a spiritual person, I would have congratulate you and hope you can realise further but that is 1% of such a success of self realization.


"You are like the wind flying everywhere looking for a safe place to land and to start, but like the wind, you did not notice the ground is below your feet."

What I mean is that you are looking for happiness in the wrong place. You think another person can give you happiness and so you look from person to person who will be safe enough for you "to land". But you never realise that the ground is not below but within you.

Within you is your true foundation of the real ground. By recognising and realising it then you can start to build from there.

Happiness does not come from another but come from within yourself.
If you do not love yourself then who would love you?
If you do not enjoy being with yourself then who would enjoy being with you?
If you don't respect yourself then who will respect you?
Etc etc...

Don't look outward but look inward, find yourself there.
When you have a good inward then the outward will change with the inward. The outward does not influence the inward but the inward strongly influence the outward. Don't believe? Try it yourself...

[b]Relationship is not a must, but it is a plus.[/b]

So don't become desperate while looking for happiness as it begin in you.

Peace be with you. Edited by greekgod

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No, you are not weak.

This education of life is never taught in school. It is only taught in spiritual practice and even then, it was not taught by word of mouth but by own realisation.

I was once like you, reminiscing the past thinking that is who I am. But I was able to break out or more like I went beyond my capability of depress and found my way out. And for that, my life has change freakishly for the better. :D ...

What you are doing especially on the next thread is admirable especially on telling people that it will be alright in the end. However, in my opinion, you are looking at the wrong thing. You are looking at break up instead of Love. Love is the true force that shape our life. Without the love of our parents, the guidance of friends and family, we will not be alive today. Our entire life start from love and kindness, its about time we give some of them back. :)

My teacher once tell me, when you are look at the rose, make sure to look at the flower and not the thorn. So why are you looking at the thorn?

Love is a wonderful subject but yet not many actually know what is love. Love that many know of, eventually leads to suffering. As I say, you people love suffering and pain. Look at the above thread I have written. Nothing but suffering. So is it true love?

True love is very much different from the love you all know for true love do not demand reaction or payment of some kind. True love is given with full intention to really love freely. Ohhhhh, I am sure many of you realise I am mad. But yet, do you know that when you show vulnerability that is when you are most invulnerable?

People always think that when you cry, you are showing weakness. You are wrong,crying and loving freely is not a weakness but it is your strength. By being cold and hard, you are inviting even more trouble. People will ditch it out a lot on you for you are telling them that you can take it. By showing weakness, you are allowing yourself to tell others who you really are, a woman or a girl and not a guy. (Frankly, being a guy isn't that good either but oh well)

Dear judymaccolm,

When you begin to change your life, don't do it for guys but do it for Yourself. Doing it for others will eventually break you down and in the end you will chid yourself for being a fool. But if you do it for yourself, is there any sacrifices? :)

Be a better person so that you do not need to suffer and you do not make others suffer. It may look selfish doing it for yourself but eventually those around you will benefit from your change within.

Peace be with you.

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what greekgod has said is correct. it is not anybody's job but your own to make sure that you are happy. Nobody wants to be with a miserable person.

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