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cottoncandy

Is he going to propose?

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My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged a lot and he even talks about it with his dad. He also commented on types of weddings including suggestions on the cake and tried putting his ring on my finger. We're still young and stuff but are these signs he might be proposing soon?

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[quote name='cottoncandy' timestamp='1342716742' post='610653']
My bf and I have been talking about getting engaged a lot and he even talks about it with his dad. He also commented on types of weddings including suggestions on the cake and tried putting his ring on my finger. We're still young and stuff but are these signs he might be proposing soon?
[/quote]

[color=#ff00ff]Seems to me like he has that idea..To clear the the cofusion, why not u ask him casually?? ""like what you think of marriage?"" [/color]

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Well, he might be. But remember to tell him not to be trap in the future. I pretty sure he is very enthusiastic about the future but he is completely lost in the present.

For example, when he is going out with you and he hold your hand. Then he look at it. The first thing you probably be thinking is something wrong with my hand? Then a little longer, you realised he is not actually looking at your hand but lost in his thought and you conclude he is thinking. He is lost in his thought and the thought most probably consist of putting a ring on your finger. He probably forget that you are present, and even forget he is holding your hand. He is not even enjoying the warmth of your hand but lost in thought of some future event [u]which might or might not come true. [/u]

So you should remind him to be present by asking him what is he thinking? He will tell you his answer. Then ask him gently and smilingly with [u]no anger and demandingly[/u] in your part, "Did you not enjoy me being here [u]now[/u]?"

Do not blame him and scold him becos this is a very normal thing to everybody and it is not a bad thing especially on his part. He is very happy and want to have you in his life. He is already seeing you complete him.

But you should also remind him that happiness doesn't come from the future but now with you by his side Now. By living in the present, he doesn't stress too much or spend too much energy in [u]planning how to marry you[/u] until he is too tired to even notice and enjoy being with you now until the day of marriage which might be soon or later.

As I say, do not be angry with him as he is doing it with good intention but he will suffer from that intention if he is too trap in the future. In the end, the entire event is not a happy event but of great suffering on his part and it might cause a bad thing in the unforseen future for both of you.

So remind him to be present in this moment. If you feel uncomfortable with the marriage at this moment since you state that both of you are still young then you can discussed with him that at this moment, you feel that both of you are still young and you would like both of you to enjoy your youth. Being married is a lot of responsibility that both of you must play in order to be married.

Marriage is a sacred thing that should not be influence by others or just wanting by an individual. [u]Both of you should want[/u] to get married and both of you should be exposed to what's it about being married. Marriage is not a beginning of the end of your so called "Final chapter of your young life" and "Beginning of adulthood". No, it is not. Marriage is a beginning of both party accepting each other's presence and agree to perform the role of Husband and Wife and very soon the role of Father and Mother.

A very big responsibility for young people who is what we call "Young and Reckless". This is what it is to be young for. You can be reckless and you have freedom which although limited but it is still much more than the freedom found in Marriage.

Are you alright with that? I am not trying to frightened you but this is the responsibility that is expected of you. Be a role of a wife who take care of her husband's needs and be a mother of a soon to be coming children.

If you feel extremely uncomfortable then voice out your concern to him so that when you enter the role of a wife and a mother, you are not doing it in regret. Then you will suffer being forced into the role and your children suffer the ultimate result becos you DO NOT enjoy being there for you never realised the responsibility before you marry him.

Yes, an argument may come when a mother's instinct will arise when you are pregnant and when the child is born you will have the mother's instinct. But if you don't have it?


So the most important thing is to enjoy being with him, knowing him and seeing him. You do have a [u]say[/u] in a relationship. What I have written above sounds truly frightening [u]but it is not if you are willing to do it[/u].

When it is time and [u]you will know it is time[/u], then you will accept the role and the thought of it. Then whatever I written above will pale to comparison with the feeling of enjoying [u]being with him[/u].

You obviously enjoy his presence and company. He treats you well and he doesn't hurt you if possible. He give you his fullest attention.

So why not be with him?

So the question is "Are you ready to be with him willngly and lovingly in marriage?"

If you are not ready then it is ok, as you state you are both young and you should enjoy your youth. Go for a holiday with him, enjoy the sun with him, the beach water with him and so on. Most important is enjoy the freedom of youth [u]for it too shall pass[/u]. Since for Now, it hasn't pass so enjoy it. :)

Peace be with you.

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d3vil doll, he asked me that quite awhile ago during one of our before bed conversations so from what he told me, I know that he hopes for a happy marriage that lasts where each person helps the other to be a better person and stuff without ignoring our differences and problems by pushing it aside but try to solve any conflicts through discussions and compromise. We do this thing where we'll say it out if one of us is unhappy about something the other person has done and always clear the air when there's a fight.

greekgod, thanks a lot, I guess what's more important now is the present and even though the future is important too, we'll get there somehow when it's time.

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[quote name='greekgod' timestamp='1342761179' post='610672']
Well, he might be. But remember to tell him not to be trap in the future. I pretty sure he is very enthusiastic about the future but he is completely lost in the present.

For example, when he is going out with you and he hold your hand. Then he look at it. The first thing you probably be thinking is something wrong with my hand? Then a little longer, you realised he is not actually looking at your hand but lost in his thought and you conclude he is thinking. He is lost in his thought and the thought most probably consist of putting a ring on your finger. He probably forget that you are present, and even forget he is holding your hand. He is not even enjoying the warmth of your hand but lost in thought of some future event [u]which might or might not come true. [/u]

So you should remind him to be present by asking him what is he thinking? He will tell you his answer. Then ask him gently and smilingly with [u]no anger and demandingly[/u] in your part, "Did you not enjoy me being here [u]now[/u]?"

Do not blame him and scold him becos this is a very normal thing to everybody and it is not a bad thing especially on his part. He is very happy and want to have you in his life. He is already seeing you complete him.

But you should also remind him that happiness doesn't come from the future but now with you by his side Now. By living in the present, he doesn't stress too much or spend too much energy in [u]planning how to marry you[/u] until he is too tired to even notice and enjoy being with you now until the day of marriage which might be soon or later.

As I say, do not be angry with him as he is doing it with good intention but he will suffer from that intention if he is too trap in the future. In the end, the entire event is not a happy event but of great suffering on his part and it might cause a bad thing in the unforseen future for both of you.

So remind him to be present in this moment. If you feel uncomfortable with the marriage at this moment since you state that both of you are still young then you can discussed with him that at this moment, you feel that both of you are still young and you would like both of you to enjoy your youth. Being married is a lot of responsibility that both of you must play in order to be married.

Marriage is a sacred thing that should not be influence by others or just wanting by an individual. [u]Both of you should want[/u] to get married and both of you should be exposed to what's it about being married. Marriage is not a beginning of the end of your so called "Final chapter of your young life" and "Beginning of adulthood". No, it is not. Marriage is a beginning of both party accepting each other's presence and agree to perform the role of Husband and Wife and very soon the role of Father and Mother.

A very big responsibility for young people who is what we call "Young and Reckless". This is what it is to be young for. You can be reckless and you have freedom which although limited but it is still much more than the freedom found in Marriage.

Are you alright with that? I am not trying to frightened you but this is the responsibility that is expected of you. Be a role of a wife who take care of her husband's needs and be a mother of a soon to be coming children.

If you feel extremely uncomfortable then voice out your concern to him so that when you enter the role of a wife and a mother, you are not doing it in regret. Then you will suffer being forced into the role and your children suffer the ultimate result becos you DO NOT enjoy being there for you never realised the responsibility before you marry him.

Yes, an argument may come when a mother's instinct will arise when you are pregnant and when the child is born you will have the mother's instinct. But if you don't have it?


So the most important thing is to enjoy being with him, knowing him and seeing him. You do have a [u]say[/u] in a relationship. What I have written above sounds truly frightening [u]but it is not if you are willing to do it[/u].

When it is time and [u]you will know it is time[/u], then you will accept the role and the thought of it. Then whatever I written above will pale to comparison with the feeling of enjoying [u]being with him[/u].

You obviously enjoy his presence and company. He treats you well and he doesn't hurt you if possible. He give you his fullest attention.

So why not be with him?

So the question is "Are you ready to be with him willngly and lovingly in marriage?"

If you are not ready then it is ok, as you state you are both young and you should enjoy your youth. Go for a holiday with him, enjoy the sun with him, the beach water with him and so on. Most important is enjoy the freedom of youth [u]for it too shall pass[/u]. Since for Now, it hasn't pass so enjoy it. :)

Peace be with you.
[/quote]

what you said is quite true

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[quote name='cottoncandy' timestamp='1342891878' post='610760']
d3vil doll, he asked me that quite awhile ago during one of our before bed conversations so from what he told me, I know that he hopes for a happy marriage that lasts where each person helps the other to be a better person and stuff without ignoring our differences and problems by pushing it aside but try to solve any conflicts through discussions and compromise. We do this thing where we'll say it out if one of us is unhappy about something the other person has done and always clear the air when there's a fight.

greekgod, thanks a lot, I guess what's more important now is the present and even though the future is important too, we'll get there somehow when it's time.
[/quote]

[color=#ff00ff]Seems to me that hes quite matured in his way of thinking..But yet, there are many challenges ahead in married life..Getting married is easy but to make it work is a lot of hard work by both parties involved :) The question now is are youready to take the plunge?[/color]

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[i]d3vil doll, he asked me that quite awhile ago during one of our before bed conversations so from what he told me, I know that he hopes for a happy marriage that lasts where each person helps the other to be a better person and stuff without ignoring our differences and problems by pushing it aside but try to solve any conflicts through discussions and compromise. We do this thing where we'll say it out if one of us is unhappy about something the other person has done and always clear the air when there's a fight.[/i]

Compromise and discussion will only work if you do not drag the past along.

The future is actually not that important as many people think that Future represent happiness and hope while the Present is just the step to the future. Why will you find happiness only in the future but not the present? When you reach the so called future then the future does not exist anymore but become present. So you do not need to [u]wait[/u] for the future to come but be happy right now with the present moment. The only action that is very important in influencing the future is in the present. So present is far more important then the future. :).

Its like you are driving to your intended destination to find happiness. Many did not notice that it is your driving that bring you much happiness and not the intended destination itself. The destination is short but the journey is long, so which is much more beneficial?


The past is just a recollection of the memories in your mind. It should not have any influence in the future but it seems many of us is trap in it as well. The past is who we are or is it?

Here is an example from my parents. The argument always begin in the present of something small like my mother is jealous that my dad bought something for his aunty. Then suddenly, the whole argument went into the past incident that somehow got link to the present like my dad once did not do something for her 5 years ago or did not buy something for her 10 years ago.

This is "marriage life" where the past always influence the present. But here is my question, if you love him so much why do you want to make him suffer for the past mistake? Why do you want to make your love one suffer? I thought you love him?

[i]A story of a duck with a Human mind.[/i]

In [i]The Power of Now[/i], I mentioned my observation that after two ducks get into a fight, which never lasts long, they will separate and float off in opposite directions. Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times; thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight. After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened.

If the duck had a human mind, it would keep the fight alive by thinking, by storymaking. This would probably be the duck's story: “I don't believe what he just did. He came to within five inches of me. He thinks he owns this pond. He has no consideration for my private space. I'll never trust him again. Next time he'll try something else just to annoy me. I'm sure he's plotting something already. But I'm not going to stand for this. I'll teach him a lesson he won't forget.” And on and on the mind spins its tales, still thinking and talking about it days, months, or years later. As far as the body is concerned, the fight is still continuing, and the energy it generates in response to all those thoughts is emotion, which in turn generates more thinking. This becomes the emotional thinking of the ego. you can see how problematic the duck's life would become if it had a human mind. But this is how most humans live all the time.

The story above is written by a Spiritual Teacher who I respect a lot and I hope you like the story I share above.

A wise man once draw a circle around him. He point to the back circle and says "This is the past and it will never come back." He point at the front of the circle and says "This is the future and it has yet to come." Then he points to the middle of the circle and says "This is the present and it is the only thing we have."

[u]Let go[/u] of the past so that it will not infuence your relationship with him. Then do not be too obssessed with the future until you totally forgotten the present. You can have a goal in life but do not be obssessed with it. Remember to enjoy you every present moment so when you reach the end of your life, You can say "I have enjoy my life." :)

Peace be with you. Edited by greekgod

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don't let the past influence current, when quarrel, a lot of ppl like to mentioned the past iccident... this will only make the things worse

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