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zebra

Problems with my other half's parents

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Hi everyone, i am new here and i have been reading bout some of the problems and experiences posted here.
I have a thought to ponder and been searching for some related topics but, hmmm.. i think i'll just ask for your opinions.
So you see I have been in a relationship with my bf for 6 years. We have been having a long distance relationship ever since we went to university and now we are working in 2 different states. The whole long distant relationship thing isn't much of a problem and we are coming to think of marriage.

The problem is his parents. They are some weird people and I knew it from the time we started our relationship. I was ok with his mom and dad's characteristics cos I love him very much. His parents were nice to me and still are but lately I realized that there are things bout his parents that I cant accept.
His dad has a very bad temper but never once scolded me. Recently he scolded me in front of others for being late to meet up with them for 5 minutes. He called me a bloody idiot and it was rude. My bf wasn't there. So I was really upset with it (i am kinda sensitive) and cried. Told my dad bout tis and my dad was sad cos he himself has never scolded or been rude to me in front of others but i was treated otherwise by my bf's dad. So i talked to my bf and said that i was scolded without doing any major mistakes and I wanted him to talk to his dad bout tis. just let him know that i dont like to be scolded in public, i mean we can talk bout my mistakes in private and if its my fault i will admit it.
So my bf talked to him and tis is wat i couldnt accept. His dad lied bout the whole situation and my bf said he doesnt know who to trust. I felt the worst.
Now i just dont feel like talking bout marriage anymore. And sometimes i fear that if we got married, how am i to live wit his parents. I am just kinda lost cos i still love him and his been a dear to me. I cant lose him and i know we still want each other.
Oh i didnt wanna make this longer but his mom has bigger issues.
I dont know who to talk to about tis. Any views? Thanks everyone :)

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Well i suppose most of the people might say this is not a wise idea but if u ask me for a solution here's what i'll ask. If you want to get married we "MUST" move out and stay on your own. 2. I am not going to entertain your parents on any normal occasion other then special occasion.or if you don't want to put it in words just tell ur other half that you'll make up reasons for any outing with his parents. End of the day you are marrying him not his parents. In Malaysia there is a lot of people that can't get along with their in laws and its quite normal. That's why everyone these days move out of the house. 6 years of relationship is a long time and it will be a waste if it just get down the drain.

You can ignore it if u think u can have a higher tolerance of in laws.
"

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Agree you're marrying him not his parents.... furthermore: think of what the occassion was - where protocols such as being on time is important to make a good impression. Maybe this is important to dad. Yep, being punctual is very important to my father-in-law too, i can never figure out why but have accepted it. He doesn't scole me because i'm taller but shows me a sour face until i wanna punch his lights out.

This is probably more embarassing to dad and to you, imagine a son coming to dad saying "why you so mad with my gf? only 5mins late? How long you wait everyday going to work in traffic jams?" or to that effect... of course he'll make up some excuse and dismiss your feelings.... so that everyone's confused - even you. Got to give your bf full credit going up to dad to talk it over tho.

Because i think your bf & you can manage his parents properly, I might let it slip and make a note to be early for anything involving dad in the future.

ok so what's the problem with mummy?

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Hi Zebra,

As much as other people say that marriage is just two people thing (you and your other half), I don't think so. Marriage is not just two people uniting together but two families, believe me I know eventhough i'm not married I have ran through similar situation to understand how you feel.

People can say, hey we just move and stay apart from the parents (is either that or is the highway for him). What happen if he says no I wish to stay with my parents? Are you planning to forsake your 6 years relationship for that? Even if he say yes, the parents will make noise in fact may slander you behind your back if is against their wishes for the son to move out. Can you tolerate that, especially going home to visit his parents? There are a lot of things that you need to think carefully.

Relationship is one thing but marriage is another big thing all together. What his parent's did was rude and it definitely hurt your feelings. I guess the mom did hurt you in someway or another. Unfortunately, it is for you to accept, compromise and move on. I do hope that your bf or husband to be will protect you if it happen next time but it will not happen all the time. It is their nature and with their age not much you can do to change it.

I was also given a rude remark from my other half parents. It was painful but as a guy i take it standing but I have sleepless night because of that. Until today I still remember his words even though it was 1 year ago. But hey, I told myself I need to move on if I still want to continue with the relationship.

If you truly love him, you don't mind sacrificing or accepting flaws surrounding him.

That's all I can say. Let me know if you want to discuss about this further

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