Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
elli*

...over the dead...

Recommended Posts

have u ppl ever experienced this... like ur bf's ex passed away n dat he still remember her bday, death anniversary.. n even go to her accident site on da anniversary..??

i know it sounds like im not very considerate but can't help it right if u know ur bf loved dat person so much b4. it's true dat he's wif me now but it still bothers me.. every time i c email from da ex's mum or friend to my bf then i will feel different, not angry, maybe abit jealous n think that he still love her...but he told me that he loves me alot but jz wanna pay respect to his ex thats all since she was sum1 special to him b4...

i realli dun wanna feel like dat i also wana support him but i jz cant help feelling like dat...i know im terrible sad.gif

can anyone understand how i'm feeling..???

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i understand how you feel. no woman likes being the second best in her partners life.

he can be doing it for many reasons besides respect. you have to understand on his part that it must have been horrible for him to experience sudden lost then. he could be blaming himself still for not being able to change the situation then or perhaps by doing all these, it gives him peace within himself. i dont know exactly what happened as you didnt mention much. im just guessing from what youve posted.

i hope these few words help you to understand his position better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

part of wat u said is quite true eg.like blaming himself... but wat should i do or think so i wont feel da way i feel..??

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

part of wat u said is quite true eg.like blaming himself... but wat should i do or think so i wont feel da way i feel..??

perhaps the best way is to think nothing of it. speak to him and let him know how you feel. tell him he has to stop blaming himself coz by doing this hes holding on to the baggage. of course its not easy but its been a while now....it should be easier.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

he knows how i feel!! we just finished quarrel abit over it dats y im still up..he knows i get upset wen it comes to her..maybe he thinks im childish n not being very supportive or understanding.. like i said i want to support him but i also got feelings one u know.. its been i think 1yr plus liao..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

he knows how i feel!! we just finished quarrel abit over it dats y im still up..he knows i get upset wen it comes to her..maybe he thinks im childish n not being very supportive or understanding.. like i said i want to support him but i also got feelings one u know.. its been i think 1yr plus liao..

have you tried talking instead of arguing? smile.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

err while arguing i also tell him..same thing wat..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

err while arguing i also tell him..same thing wat..

you wont come to a solution if you argue. when youre calm and talking nicely, you can think better. smile.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

tell him this - what if tomorrow you'll get into the same accident as his ex did, and then what? he'll remember everything about you, until his next gf meet with the same fate? as humans, mourning the dead is one thing, but that action should never be placed on a higher priority than cherishing those that still live. Because while the dead only leaves memories, the living CREATE them (the memories, i mean).

so which one is more precious?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
love is forever and cannot be killed. don't ever tell someone who is loyal in love to throw away this gift.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i understand how you feel. no woman likes being the second best in her partners life.

he can be doing it for many reasons besides respect. you have to understand on his part that it must have been horrible for him to experience sudden lost then. he could be blaming himself still for not being able to change the situation then or perhaps by doing all these, it gives him peace within himself. i dont know exactly what happened as you didnt mention much. im just guessing from what youve posted.

i hope these few words help you to understand his position better.

If the loss was too much to bear, then why did he started another relationship, only to mourn the loss of his previous relationship in front of his new partner? that is a fallacy by itself.

if he had chosen to move onto a second relationship, then he should understand the meaning of moving on. if he fail to do that, then his moving on will only bring hurt to people who genuinely loved him.

its not the girl's fault sometimes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

love is forever and cannot be killed. don't ever tell someone who is loyal in love to throw away this gift.

Then waht about his supposed "love" towards his new relationship? If he is loyal in love, does it mean that this loyalty is mutually exclusive with the love for a living person, then mere memories?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Then waht about his supposed "love" towards his new relationship? If he is loyal in love, does it mean that this loyalty is mutually exclusive with the love for a living person, then mere memories?

love has no boundaries. we can love as many people as we are able to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

have u ppl ever experienced this... like ur bf's ex passed away n dat he still remember her bday, death anniversary.. n even go to her accident site on da anniversary... blah blah

this guy doesn't seem to have loved the girl. he loves himself. that is why after her death, he behaves this way.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

elli*: does he mourn her a lot throughout the year... or issit only those few days in a year?

Think of it this way... if it's only a few days a year, then let her shade have his attention for that few days. you still have his attention for the other 300 over days... hmm... u do realise u're competing with the dead for his attention??

feeling wat u feel is not gonna change the situation... either resolve it, accept it, or forget about it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
sounds like he was really close 2 her b4...and her unexpected death would always leave a scar/pain in him...its normal 4 u to feel tat way as there is a sense of jealousy (even if its minor) in between... he should appreciate u as u r wit him, supporting him all this while,etc... and most importantly he should move on... help him 2 move on wit life and make him realize tat everything tat had happened are all memories...tat there's other people around him who loves him and deserve his love too... all d best,gal~ smile.gif

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

tell him this - what if tomorrow you'll get into the same accident as his ex did, and then what? he'll remember everything about you, until his next gf meet with the same fate? as humans, mourning the dead is one thing, but that action should never be placed on a higher priority than cherishing those that still live. Because while the dead only leaves memories, the living CREATE them (the memories, i mean).

so which one is more precious?

i like ur answer very much smile.gif n i think its quite meaningful of wat u said. n i did tell him dat wat wud happen if same thing happen to me..he jz ask me not to tok like dat..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the loss was too much to bear, then why did he started another relationship, only to mourn the loss of his previous relationship in front of his new partner? that is a fallacy by itself.

if he had chosen to move onto a second relationship, then he should understand the meaning of moving on. if he fail to do that, then his moving on will only bring hurt to people who genuinely loved him.

its not the girl's fault sometimes.

they broke up a few months then we got together.. so she was still alive wen we r together..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

this guy doesn't seem to have loved the girl. he loves himself. that is why after her death, he behaves this way.

i dont quite understand of wat u said... cos for wat i know he loved her very much b4 n he knew dat she loved him alot too...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

elli*: does he mourn her a lot throughout the year... or issit only those few days in a year?

Think of it this way... if it's only a few days a year, then let her shade have his attention for that few days. you still have his attention for the other 300 over days... hmm... u do realise u're competing with the dead for his attention??

feeling wat u feel is not gonna change the situation... either resolve it, accept it, or forget about it

wat u said id very true...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

THANK u so much ppl..i will try my best...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i dont quite understand of wat u said... cos for wat i know he loved her very much b4 n he knew dat she loved him alot too...

because love sets us free and makes us happy. it does not make us sad and mourn our life or lot. love is a good thing. maybe the feelings they had for each other isn't love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

elli...i am so happy for you coz your bf is a nice man who is serious about love...so what if he still loves her? he loves you too...he is serious with you thats why he showed his emotion and everything including emails to you....if he isnt serious, he would just keep it to himself....

anyway, his ex has passed away...why wanna get jealous over her? why not try to do more to make him feel your support and presence....time will heal....we always appreciate the dead more than the one who is still alive...that's pretty normal...

so, dun brood over it..he's a nice chap...he admits that he loves u too right? be happy...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

elli...i am so happy for you coz your bf is a nice man who is serious about love...so what if he still loves her? he loves you too...he is serious with you thats why he showed his emotion and everything including emails to you....if he isnt serious, he would just keep it to himself....

anyway, his ex has passed away...why wanna get jealous over her? why not try to do more to make him feel your support and presence....time will heal....we always appreciate the dead more than the one who is still alive...that's pretty normal...

so, dun brood over it..he's a nice chap...he admits that he loves u too right? be happy...

There are rooms for love of the dead, and there are rooms for love of the living. If one lets love for the dead exceed his love for the living, then where is the logic? its one thing to cherish the memories of the dead, but he should also know that if he were to mention too much about the dead in front of the living, he might be inviting jealousy and hurt. He doesn't understand that a girl never wants to feel second best, and although mourning the dead is ok, letting that mourn override the love for the living, is simply fallacious.

That guy has got to talk things out. Maybe you can talk more with him to sort things out?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...