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i'm pregnant before married..n i'm only 23

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i'm almost 2 months pregnant with my ex-bf's child and i cant tell my parents about it. worse is i'm just 23 n still studying in a uni. my bf is now married to another girl his family arranged, but i'm starting to feel he's falling for her now. last time i contacted him,he told me to do whatever i want with the child and dont bother him again. i dont wanna have an abortion but i cant take care of the child (coz i'm studying, dont have money to support the child, dont know how am i going to keep the pregnancy a secret from my family, etc.) I really hate abortion but if worse comes to worst, i have to right? problem is i dont even have the money to do it. i'm so messed up! right now i'm thinking is there anyone who would help me with the pregnancy expenses and as soon as the baby is born i'll give it away. that's a thousand times better than having abortion right? or u guys have other ideas? please help me...i'm running out of time as the baby's growing...

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seriously, talk to your parents. dont hide things from them. they might overreact when they hear that but it's just temporary. they are the ones who love you the most and always willing to help, not your friends.

be brave. be prepared to face what are you going to face. there might be people who say nasty things, just ignore them.

i feel that your ex bf should be a man. he was responsible too. i dont expect him to divorce the girl and marry you, but he should at least offer some help. maybe u can try talking to his parents or family.

if possible, dont consider abortion. you might give the baby to a family who is willing to take care of him. the baby is innocent. he certainly deserves a chance to live.

stay positive, darkness wont stay forever. good luck!

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i cant talk 2 my family. coz this thing has happened before (this is my 2nd pregnancy) and they forced me to get an abortion. at that time my bf talked to my parents and said he wanted to marry me, but my parents refused and didnt let us contact each other anymore. that's when his family arranged to marry him to another girl, coz they felt like my family was underestimating their family and hurt their pride. so now i cant talk 2 my parents and i'm afraid to talk to his family coz his family know my parents and i'm afraid they'll tell my parents about it. I dont wanna lose my bby again.

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what? 2nd pregnancy? seriously i quite agree with .Olivia, they deserve better.

i don't think your bf is not responsible since the 1st time he also wanted to marry you, but you still studying and you cant take care the child. Talk to your parents until they understand your situation, i know it's abit difficult but however you still have to try the best for ur child.

all i can said this, play safe =.=

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trust me, better u let them know urself than they find out about it themselves. evrythg is possible. they might overreact, but after a while, they will feel glad that u let them know the truth. parents will always be willing to forgive their children no matter how big the mistake is. this whole thing is too ''heavy'' for u to bear alone. it'll be much easier if ur parents will be guiding u throughout the whole thing.

after your parents have calmed down, sure they'll talk to u nicely. u can tell ur mum that u wan to keep the baby. she herself is a woman. she'll understand. im sure she noes it's cruel to take away someone's live.

dont worry, even if u've decided to keep the baby, you can still live life as normal as before. 21st century is an open minded society. when people know that you're a single mother, they'll actually salute and support u. (unless ure 15,16 or 17 in malaysia) =)

good luck, girl! hope there's good news from u soon.

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thanks guys for the support but i cant tell my parents about it. that was what i thought before (that my parents will understand that i wanna keep my baby from my 1st pregnancy) but they still forced me & cold blooded-ly send me for an abortion. they wont even let me get married so i can keep my baby. thanks a lot guys but my parents are the conservative-autocratic ones. thanks for wat u guys had said but u would help me so much if u can introduce me to anyone who would be willing to help me with the medical expenses for the time being (or at least anyone looking to adopt a baby)..thanks..email me if u know any (anthropophobia@rocketmail.com)

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thanks guys for the support but i cant tell my parents about it. that was what i thought before (that my parents will understand that i wanna keep my baby from my 1st pregnancy) but they still forced me & cold blooded-ly send me for an abortion. they wont even let me get married so i can keep my baby. thanks a lot guys but my parents are the conservative-autocratic ones. thanks for wat u guys had said but u would help me so much if u can introduce me to anyone who would be willing to help me with the medical expenses for the time being (or at least anyone looking to adopt a baby)..thanks..email me if u know any (anthropophobia@rocketmail.com)

why not u start asking around in ur area?go to orphanage.do check out whether they can arrange someone to take care of u and the baby till u give birth and put the baby up for adoption?perhaps another place u can look for information is family planning.m sure tghe counsellor/gyno there will be able to give u some pointers

good luck.

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You should had learn from your first mistake.

When you know having sex without safety will get you pregnant althought he don't ejaculate in you, there is the chance.

You should had taken safety steps.

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You should had learn from your first mistake.

When you know having sex without safety will get you pregnant althought he don't ejaculate in you, there is the chance.

You should had taken safety steps.

please dont say such things highlighted in red.its not her sole mistake ok ,for such unfortunate events to take place.nor does she wants that all to happen.if u were to to talk about whose fault this is,everyone there is to be blame,not the poor girl alone!the girl parents,the ex bf,the ex-bf family,and also the girl herself.but really,blamming her by saying such things wont help her.u should offer guidance or help @ least instead of saying such things as ''rice has become porridge''.

whatever it is,it is easier say than done~

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unless you can get a trusted adult of your parents' age to ''brainwash'' your parents, or else it'll be hard for them to agree to let you keep the baby. or try to tell your parents that you are already pregnant for a few months, it's dangerous for you to get an abortion. im sure they wouldnt want you to sacrifice your life right?

yup, agree. but if possible, dont send the baby to the orphanage, he's not so likely to have a good life there. try to find him a family. im sure the family will try to help you with the medical expenses if they are aware of your situation.

you can call women's aid organisation for advices from people who had been through what you're going through now.

but honestly, it's not easy to get financial help from the public unless ur case comes to light in the paper. im sure you wouldnt want this right?

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unless you can get a trusted adult of your parents' age to ''brainwash'' your parents, or else it'll be hard for them to agree to let you keep the baby. or try to tell your parents that you are already pregnant for a few months, it's dangerous for you to get an abortion. im sure they wouldnt want you to sacrifice your life right?

yup, agree. but if possible, dont send the baby to the orphanage, he's not so likely to have a good life there. try to find him a family. im sure the family will try to help you with the medical expenses if they are aware of your situation.

you can call women's aid organisation for advices from people who had been through what you're going through now.

but honestly, it's not easy to get financial help from the public unless ur case comes to light in the paper. im sure you wouldnt want this right?

yes,dont send da baby to da orphanage.poor thing.u can try discuss to ur parents bout this.hmm....i agree with all da others to find him a family,a good one.and seriouly dun go n do abortion,the baby is innocent....n abortion will oso affect ur future sexual life if u plan to marry later.as wat i tink,abortion is a no-no.either find a family for the goin to be born baby or discuss with ur parents,23 years old i guess u gotta graduate frm uni d rite?anotha way is to ask ur parents to tc of da baby 1st den when u r more mature n independent in life n financial,hmm....tht time u can tc of da baby by urself.

Ask urself 1 question HONESTLY:u really dun wan da baby?coz lots of gurls tht r pregnant b4 married feel regret tht they dun wan da baby after da baby is born.

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I’m sorry, maybe the first time is acceptable, but falling pregnant twice and then conveniently taking the easy way out is NOT alright. You say your parents are conservative and will not accept the baby, then you should have gone to lengths to make sure you wouldn’t fall pregnant to avoid situations like this. Sure some will say it takes two to clap ,but listen, end of the day, it’s YOUR body and life, you should have taken the steps to ensure these things. It’s so easy to get pregnant and then decide to kill your own baby or even worse, throw him/her to an orphanage.

There’s an orphanage nearby my home and every time I pass by it, it breaks my heart to see the innocent faces without a proper place to call home and mind you, some are abandoned kids with parents. If you really can live with yourself with that for the rest of your life, go ahead with it but I’ll tell you know that it will come back to haunt you when you’re older. Orphanages should be a place for kids WITHOUT parents and not a dumping ground for those who can't take on the responsiblity of it all.

Back when I was uni, some uni mates would fall pregnant, go for an abortion only to get pregnant again. So you might get an abortion now or give your baby up, how sure are you it will not happen again in the future? Learn to protect yourself dear. And do read up as well on the implications of multiple abortions, it’s not good for your health and might disrupt your ability to conceive again in the future.

Right now your best option is to talk to your parents. Parents will always be by your side no matter how much you screw up. I doubt any stranger will help support you financially over what you've done

I know this is harsh but I am a married woman who will not stand for such things. I think this time around you need to take repsonsiblities over what you’ve done. Talk to your parents, I promise you it will do you good.

Edited by Cas

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OMG, im so sorry to hear that...

do you have any other relatives that can help u out with this?

like they said, call M'sia Women's Organization for their help... They will sort things out for you...

Good luck and stay strong for ur baby, dear...!!

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What I want to say here where now not the right to say/judge whose wrong or right... Things had happenned... if u had decided to keep the baby then u got to find solution for it.

I would suggest u shd bring up this issue to the guy who coz u pregnant, he got the responsibilities, he cant just thrown a statement like that & ignore you :blink: since u had the sincere to keep the baby why not to go to visit ur ex-bf's parents & told them this???

U are a mature adult ur parent cant force u to do anything if u r unwilling to do so....

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If you would like to keep the baby and give it up for abortion after birth, then perhaps you should have a look at the Malaysian Motherhood Forum under the TTC thread. http:// www.alaysianmotherhood.com/forum There are many women out there who yearn for motherhood but couldn't get pregnant and they are looking for babies to adopt

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First of all, i feel sorry for your situation. I think you're not that bad as you wanna keep the baby instead of going for abortion. But i wouldn't agree with you when you said you wanna give the baby away or send him to the orphanage. My reason why i'm saying this are becoz:

1st : I agree with Cas... orphanage is for childrens without parents.

2nd: I think you're just taking an easy way out.. You don't wanna feel guilty over what u've done if u go for abortion, what u wanna do is to give

birth to the baby and after that let other ppl to bear the rest of the responsibility.

3rd: You're not a handicap person. You can try to work part time during ur uni life and take full responsibility of the baby n urself. If i'm not wrong,

ur going to graduate around next year or another year. I can't see any problem that u can't afford your own baby.

4th: The main reason u r looking for ppl to take ur child just becoz u don't dare to let ur parents know that ur pregnant again. And now even worst

coz the guy who done this to u got married to another gal.

I am not trying to blame you here.. but i just want you to be responsible person to what you've done. Don't just let other ppl to clean your sh1t for you. From what i understand, abortion is very dangerous after 3 months of pregnancy. I also agree that u tok to ur parents. Convinced them that ur want this baby.. n u will raise him urself not matter what. Ask them to help u in the beginning n after u graduate.. u'll take care of him urself.. afterall.. the baby is their grandchildren. Ur parents won't kill you for it i guess.... So please take the responsibility. There's still lot of childrens without parents who need a foster home. Please don't fight the opportunity with them.

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what A BastarD you ex is!! i think you should just rock up in their wedding and tell them you are pragnant! that is something out of my thought anyway!

i feel bad for what you have been through right now!

for now i reckon you should discuss this with someone you really close with.. like one of your family members which you parents will listen to! maybe your grandparents if they love you alot! If you have older brother or sister, discuss your issue with them as well...so that they will give you more options and you also need support from them especiall before you are brave enought to tell your parent!

Also abortion wont be a bad thing as well sometimes... if you really don't want the baby! Because Parents' love are really important to raise a kid up and it gives them your moral attitudes. If they grow up in a fckd Up family, do you know what likely the outcome will be of how the kid will turn out?

there is an article you guys should read.. it is abit related to wat kids turning out to be like without the care of parent? ... http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=...8&sec=focus

if you really want to have you baby, you have to think of what will happen to your kid if you get marry with another guy in the future? will you have another baby and give out with this one? Where will he end up to be? How much sacrify you have to make to raise the kid up! would you parents willing to help you to raise? and how long?

you should find a solution for you ownself!! and remenber sometimes thing can turn out to be cruel at the first move you make and it is better than create another problem to the kid in the future! or if you want the kid then you should put everything you have on kid and also by law, you also need to make sure that you are capable to bring the kid up incase if one day BastArd ex wants the kid off you!!

btw... i love baby and they are very cute! =D

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The guy has already indicated he wants nothing to with you and the baby right? Tell you a story, I know of someone who got pregnant by her ex bf, the guy wanted nothing to do with her or her baby so she chose to bring up the baby on her own accord and the baby right now is so well loved. It's a choice she made despite the non-involvement of her ex. Where there's a will there's a way. You just can't dump your baby at an orphanage or expect people to look after your expenses.

Here, I came across this article and thought of you. Check it here

It's about how a girl confided in her mom about her pregnancy, sure at the end she went for an abortion but at least she had someone to talk to and guide her which I think in your situation is really important. And as suggested by most girls here, the first step is telling your mom and dad. Think about it.

Edited by Cas

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QUOTE (drahcir @ Apr 1 2009, 11:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
what A BastarD you ex is!! i think you should just rock up in their wedding and tell them you are pragnant! that is something out of my thought anyway!

i feel bad for what you have been through right now!

for now i reckon you should discuss this with someone you really close with.. like one of your family members which you parents will listen to! maybe your grandparents if they love you alot! If you have older brother or sister, discuss your issue with them as well...so that they will give you more options and you also need support from them especiall before you are brave enought to tell your parent!

Also abortion wont be a bad thing as well sometimes... if you really don't want the baby! Because Parents' love are really important to raise a kid up and it gives them your moral attitudes. If they grow up in a fckd Up family, do you know what likely the outcome will be of how the kid will turn out?
there is an article you guys should read.. it is abit related to wat kids turning out to be like without the care of parent? ... http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=...8&sec=focus

if you really want to have you baby, you have to think of what will happen to your kid if you get marry with another guy in the future? will you have another baby and give out with this one? Where will he end up to be? How much sacrify you have to make to raise the kid up! would you parents willing to help you to raise? and how long?

you should find a solution for you ownself!! and remenber sometimes thing can turn out to be cruel at the first move you make and it is better than create another problem to the kid in the future! or if you want the kid then you should put everything you have on kid and also by law, you also need to make sure that you are capable to bring the kid up incase if one day BastArd ex wants the kid off you!!

btw... i love baby and they are very cute! =D



I agree with the statement above -> rock their wedding! Let the wife knows what kind of inlaws she have. Even thou she's innoncent, but she must know who is her real-face husband is. Cold-blooded ppl.
Not fair you're alone in the dark with all the problems mountain up. You suffer and dat ex is happy with his new life. Let ur parents know, dat parents, dat boy, dat wife of his knows. Force dat bad boy to take responsibilities. It's a man-eat-man world, so get that boy dip into boiling water with you. Not worth to risk for and protect a boy like ur ex. And let not only two set of parents, but 3 set of parents into the ring.

There is woman health org outside there. Ask for help. They are there to help and guide you. Sometimes, you must be brave and do claim what is deem ur rights.

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[quote name='TiredOfLiving' timestamp='1238221903' post='550647']
i'm almost 2 months pregnant with my ex-bf's child and i cant tell my parents about it. worse is i'm just 23 n still studying in a uni. my bf is now married to another girl his family arranged, but i'm starting to feel he's falling for her now. last time i contacted him,he told me to do whatever i want with the child and dont bother him again. i dont wanna have an abortion but i cant take care of the child (coz i'm studying, dont have money to support the child, dont know how am i going to keep the pregnancy a secret from my family, etc.) I really hate abortion but if worse comes to worst, i have to right? problem is i dont even have the money to do it. i'm so messed up! right now i'm thinking is there anyone who would help me with the pregnancy expenses and as soon as the baby is born i'll give it away. that's a thousand times better than having abortion right? or u guys have other ideas? please help me...i'm running out of time as the baby's growing...
[/quote]
[font="Comic Sans MS"]
[code]Hi...just curios how are now...im new here and reading your post just now...did you keep the baby?[/code][/font]
[size="2"]:blink:[/size]

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[quote name='pijavun' timestamp='1312734421' post='598517']
[font="Comic Sans MS"]
[code]Hi...just curios how are now...im new here and reading your post just now...did you keep the baby?[/code][/font]
[size="2"]:blink:[/size]
[/quote]

i am curious too... :unsure:

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hi. i just saw this post today. i hope u kept the baby in the end. i really understand ur feeling coz i been through ur situation b4. after 1st abortion, when u get a 2nd prenancy, u will wan to keep it no matter wat. that my situation too. my mom oso somewat like ur parents but i stand firm at my ground tat times and din go for the abortion. parent will somehow understand u soon. u must stand strong.


well my 2nd pregnancy end up with abortion because the baby was not form. i hope u wont end up regretting later.

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[quote name='TiredOfLiving' timestamp='1238221903' post='550647']
i'm almost 2 months pregnant with my ex-bf's child and i cant tell my parents about it. worse is i'm just 23 n still studying in a uni. my bf is now married to another girl his family arranged, but i'm starting to feel he's falling for her now. last time i contacted him,he told me to do whatever i want with the child and dont bother him again. i dont wanna have an abortion but i cant take care of the child (coz i'm studying, dont have money to support the child, dont know how am i going to keep the pregnancy a secret from my family, etc.) I really hate abortion but if worse comes to worst, i have to right? problem is i dont even have the money to do it. i'm so messed up! right now i'm thinking is there anyone who would help me with the pregnancy expenses and as soon as the baby is born i'll give it away. that's a thousand times better than having abortion right? or u guys have other ideas? please help me...i'm running out of time as the baby's growing...
[/quote]

[color=#222222][font=arial, sans-serif][size=2] I am currently facing the same problem too. May I get your help, I am still study in UNI, my gf accidentally got pregnant. But we duno when can we get the abortion service.. And our parent do not know about that. Appreciate for your help!![/size][/font][/color]

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[quote name='Mun-Aki' timestamp='1319035731' post='600803']
hi. i just saw this post today. i hope u kept the baby in the end. i really understand ur feeling coz i been through ur situation b4. after 1st abortion, when u get a 2nd prenancy, u will wan to keep it no matter wat. that my situation too. my mom oso somewat like ur parents but i stand firm at my ground tat times and din go for the abortion. parent will somehow understand u soon. u must stand strong.


well my 2nd pregnancy end up with abortion because the baby was not form. i hope u wont end up regretting later.
[/quote]

[color=#222222][font=arial, sans-serif][size=2] I am currently facing the same problem too. May I get your help, I am still study in UNI, my gf accidentally got pregnant. But we duno when can we get the abortion service.. And our parent do not know about that. Appreciate for your help!![/size][/font][/color]

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