tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Hello all, My best galfriend is facing this problem now...this is the story...she has been together with her fiance for 2 years and staying with him since they met each other. Her fiance is an expat. From the beginning, they are really lovey-dovey couple until his fiance cheated her this year Jan 2009. He said he was very drunk and had One Night Stand with a gal whom he just met and after a month (February) the gal called him that she might be pregnant as there still no sign of period. So, this guy went and bought 2 x home pregnancy test for this gal to test and came out the result were both NEGATIVE. Of coz, he was relieved and told the gal it was a mistake and should end it. So, they didnt call each other and meet anymore after that (as what he told my fren) until today morning, he again got a SMS from this gal that she is pregnant this time as she again did a home test kit and it showed POSITIVE! The gal even sound excited and asked him to marry her and be daddy soon! This guy was too devastated and don't know what to do....he confessed his wrong doing to my fren this morning. My fren told me that she felt her both legs were weak when she heard that but still i think she behaved very strong and calm that she still can tell him to have a FINAL pregnancy test in a clinic/hospital! Her fiance told her that he doesn't want the baby and ask many questions bout abortion like my fren is a consultant to him! Anyway, he promised to her that he will bring that gal to clinic/hospita today itself for the test. And my fren don't know what to do next IF the result comes out POSITIVE! FYI, her fiance is not young OK...he is already in his 40s and the One Night Stand gal is 36! and still they can do it without any protection with a STUPIDEST reason that he didn't ejaculate inside the gal! I really pissed off with his STUPID tidak apa attitude and take thing easily and didn't care bout my fren! So, now I would like to ask your opinion here, what will you do IF your fiance/hubby/boyfren/galfren did this to you? OPTIONS a. Will you forgive and continue the relationship with him eventhough he said it was a MISTAKE and dont love the gal at all? And for the courage of telling the truth to my fren? OR b. He is a JERK! Better leave him no matter what! OR your opinion please Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dotti 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Disgusting fella.. didnt use a condom. Gosh. LEAVE HIM! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Disgusting fella.. didnt use a condom. Gosh. LEAVE HIM! Exactly! and I hate for his 'assuming' that the gal won't get pregnant becoz he didn't ejaculate inside her! I ask my fren to send him back to school for sex education! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dotti 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 The thing is.. they were not only just BF/GF... they are finace's somemore.. gosh..says a lot about his character. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 (edited) The thing is.. they were not only just BF/GF... they are finace's somemore.. gosh..says a lot about his character. I'm too speechless! Luckily, just engaged and not yet married to him! that's mean she still can leave him easily but i'm doubt that my fren will not have the heart to leave him eventhough he had betrayed their love as she really loves him alot or beyond that! When I asked her whether she will leave him or not...she can't give me the answer! honestly speaking, my fren had sacrificed alot for him...becoz of him, she moved in and stay with him even BEFORE they got engaged (then her family make noise, so they got engaged). becoz of him, she resigned her job and become his full time housewife! Take care of him, cook for him, clean for him and even lost contact with many of our frens! and still he can do this to her! can u imagine????!!! aarrgghhh... Edited March 5, 2009 by tweetwee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
laylowmoe 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is how you deal with the mistakes you've made. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
juvian 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Wait for the result to come out first... I dunno le.. if this happen to me, i will be fainted. For me, One night stand= irresponsible attitude, drunk is not an excuse. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teff 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 (edited) That guy is nothing but a truckload of crap. A pathetic excuse for a human being! To be honest, there's no need for a poll when it comes to matters like this. The answer is so in your face. Bottomline is, if your friend decides not to leave him, she might as well go get herself sucked into a big black hole. Period. Edited March 5, 2009 by Teff Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charlie 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 He is so dirty! He is a JERK men Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
icemanfx 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 From ‘The gal even sound excited and asked him to marry her and be daddy soon!’, not too sure it was a ONS. Unless the girl doesn’t intend to carry on with the relationship, this is a good excuse to leave him. Otherwise, she should help him, standby him and guide him away from the other woman. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sook_yee 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 (edited) Ask your fren to think if she can carry on with him like normal or not? And can she visualize being married to him in the future? Do she think that he's the only one that she wants to marry? If the answers to the questions i had just ask are YES - try to think up a solution, like if she is really pregnant & wants 2 keep the child, then MAYBE her bf can offer to support the child even though he didn't wanna marry her No - Forget him.Move on. Don't keep in touch.FULL STOP. Edited March 5, 2009 by sook_yee Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CyBeR 0 Report post Posted March 5, 2009 Quite stupid of the guy to fall into that trap, for it is definitely a trap that the girl set for him. What a miserable idiot of a guy. doh. Some of these mat sallehs are too stupid to believe. Your girlfriend, too... Such a lot of dumb sacrifices she made. At least now she knows his character. I can't say I know any good solution to this problem. It's basically the guy's mess - he'd better come up with a good solution. Your friend is in a big mess. No one else to turn to, because she alienated the whole community for his sake. She's pretty much dependent on him now unless she fancies starting over at whatever age she is. Her only other choice is to grin and bear with whatever solution he comes up with. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LuYi 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 ok.. here is the options u gave OPTIONS a. Will you forgive and continue the relationship with him eventhough he said it was a MISTAKE and dont love the gal at all? And for the courage of telling the truth to my fren? OR b. He is a JERK! Better leave him no matter what! i choose the B !!! JUST DUMP la ~!!! fiance .. and yet .. he donno how serious this could be.. if did not dump.. bcom husband and wife d.. got kids d.. suddenly out of the blue got "some other" kids claim to be his children also ... i could not stand guys tat act like this... 1st if u wanna have sex... fine.. u can have wif ur girl fren/fiance... 2nd.... IF u so darn wanna have sex wif OTHERS .. prostitution is a lot !!! so jz get a darn clean aids free pros tat could cost u few K is better than u jz simply 1 nite stand and have these kind of stupid mess created.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
carol.hfl 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 are anyone sure the baby is the guy's. i mean it's been so long and does anyone can be sure that there's no other man? anyway i would say, leave him! at such age also can act irresponsible, i can't fanthom what he would become when they got married and really have a family of their own. furthermore he doesn't even care about your friend's feeling and how can he love her as any good and reputable gentleman should? the basic trust already lost, i say it's a lost cause anyway.. just what i think.. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
noobie 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 lol boils down to, is the fiance really love him and willing to forgive him... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
icemanfx 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 As no one is perfect, what the guy did was stupid especially having unprotected sex, it could be a lot worst like infected with STD or HIV. As long as he realised his mistake and learned from this experience, his gf should forgive and support him to go through this ordeal. There is up and down in relationship, a relationship can’t pass test like this won’t be a relationship. No doubt the guy was wrong, what about the other woman? It takes two to tango. Why only condemn the guy but not the other woman? As the other woman was happy to conceive, she could probably has seduced him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Breaking news....the result really came out POSITIVE! and can't abort due to her age and something wrong with her uterus....the doc even said she needs bedrest and cant work as she might miscarriage.... Sighhhhh! my fren keep on crying but told me she has no choice now and need to stand on her own feet. She told him that she will leave him and cant stay with him any more... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is how you deal with the mistakes you've made. I'm agreed on what you said. Everyone makes mistakes and so do my fren can forgive and forget the mistake he did. She even ask him to marry the gal but he also doesn't want to lose her... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Quite stupid of the guy to fall into that trap, for it is definitely a trap that the girl set for him. What a miserable idiot of a guy. doh. Some of these mat sallehs are too stupid to believe. Your girlfriend, too... Such a lot of dumb sacrifices she made. At least now she knows his character. I can't say I know any good solution to this problem. It's basically the guy's mess - he'd better come up with a good solution. Your friend is in a big mess. No one else to turn to, because she alienated the whole community for his sake. She's pretty much dependent on him now unless she fancies starting over at whatever age she is. Her only other choice is to grin and bear with whatever solution he comes up with. Yup. He also kept on blaming himself for being stupid and step into the trap. He is not mat salleh le...he is Indian from India. True, my galfren really loves him alot and she told me that she never regret on what she sacrificed for him...she even told me she forgave him for his mistake but at this stage, she can't help him to solve this big mess too...it is entirely up to him on how to settle this problem with that gal. Now, this gal can't even abort the baby as it might be a threat to her life....it will be a really TOUGH for him to plan anything now. Well, my galfren is still young and she can look for job again...I believe her family and good frens will fully support her... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dotti 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 I'm agreed on what you said. Everyone makes mistakes and so do my fren can forgive and forget the mistake he did. She even ask him to marry the gal but he also doesn't want to lose her... Well everyone does make mistakes. But one must consider whether the mistake is worth the forgive & forget. THIS particular mistake is a doozey. I'd say it's considered a worst case scenario already. I reckon if your friend were to forgive & forget, she's just being ignorant. Any true love in this relationship? They ARE ENGAGED. hello. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 As no one is perfect, what the guy did was stupid especially having unprotected sex, it could be a lot worst like infected with STD or HIV. As long as he realised his mistake and learned from this experience, his gf should forgive and support him to go through this ordeal. There is up and down in relationship, a relationship can’t pass test like this won’t be a relationship. No doubt the guy was wrong, what about the other woman? It takes two to tango. Why only condemn the guy but not the other woman? As the other woman was happy to conceive, she could probably has seduced him. Totally agreed with you...He is stupid but we can't blame him fully. It is also the gal fault too...she knew he loves someone (my fren) but still she want to seduce him. Sigh...the man has fall into her trap...that's y she is very happy. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Well everyone does make mistakes. But one must consider whether the mistake is worth the forgive & forget. THIS particular mistake is a doozey. I'd say it's considered a worst case scenario already. I reckon if your friend were to forgive & forget, she's just being ignorant. Any true love in this relationship? They ARE ENGAGED. hello. haha...i wish you can tell this directly to my devastated fren. She told me that she can forgive and forget bout his mistakes BUT she will move on and be independant again. She said whatever has passed mean has passed...can't turn back the time. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
icemanfx 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Breaking news....the result really came out POSITIVE! and can't abort due to her age and something wrong with her uterus....the doc even said she needs bedrest and cant work as she might miscarriage....This is a typical case of a mother obtaining good genes for her offspring. Man may be accused of spreading their genes widely and carelessly but woman can be aggressive to go all out to secure good genes. Basic instinct prevailed over intelligent again. Sighhhhh! my fren keep on crying but told me she has no choice now and need to stand on her own feet. She told him that she will leave him and cant stay with him any more... Your gf alienated her family and friends to stay with him and decided to abandon the relationship just like this is, is irresponsible to herself and ignorant. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
laylowmoe 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 (edited) Fwoar, looks like the poor guy kena taruh kau-kau on this forum already. His eye must be twitching dammalot. Hence, I shall be the lone voice standing up for the poor fella. I think he made an honest mistake, and there are guys who are far worse than him. He got drunk and ended up in bed with this girl just once - it's not like he was deliberately carrying on an affair behind your friend's back. Also, this other girl? Sounds like she purposely laid a trap for him. Is he rich? That might be why she went all out seduce him, get herself pregnant, and break up your friend's engagement just so she could marry him. Sounds like she's the real snake, and the guy is just the victim. (And on that note, can you confirm that she can't have an abortion? Did he hear it from her, or from the doctor himself?) I said before that everyone makes mistakes, but what's important is how you deal with them. I think if he's truly remorseful, truly repentant, truly understands the hurt he's caused your friend, and truly wishes to make things right... then I think he deserves a second chance. As opposed to someone who tried to cover it up, or tried to laugh it off, or blamed someone else, or didn't take any responsibility for it. If he didn't do any of these things, he's already a better man than most. There's this quote that I like a lot - it's supposedly an Islamic prayer: I asked for wisdom... And God gave me problems to solve. I asked for prosperity... And God gave me brains and the strength to work. I asked for courage... And God gave me danger to overcome. I asked for love... And God gave me troubled people to help. I asked for favors... And God gave me opportunities. I received nothing I wanted. I received everything I needed. My Prayer has been answered. Does your friend and her fiance love each other? Right now, they have a chance to prove their love. Edited March 6, 2009 by laylowmoe Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tweetwee 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2009 Fwoar, looks like the poor guy kena taruh kau-kau on this forum already. His eye must be twitching dammalot. Hence, I shall be the lone voice standing up for the poor fella. I think he made an honest mistake, and there are guys who are far worse than him. He got drunk and ended up in bed with this girl just once - it's not like he was deliberately carrying on an affair behind your friend's back. Also, this other girl? Sounds like she purposely laid a trap for him. Is he rich? That might be why she went all out seduce him, get herself pregnant, and break up your friend's engagement just so she could marry him. Sounds like she's the real snake, and the guy is just the victim. (And on that note, can you confirm that she can't have an abortion? Did he hear it from her, or from the doctor himself?) I said before that everyone makes mistakes, but what's important is how you deal with them. I think if he's truly remorseful, truly repentant, truly understands the hurt he's caused your friend, and truly wishes to make things right... then I think he deserves a second chance. As opposed to someone who tried to cover it up, or tried to laugh it off, or blamed someone else, or didn't take any responsibility for it. If he didn't do any of these things, he's already a better man than most. There's this quote that I like a lot - it's supposedly an Islamic prayer: I asked for wisdom... And God gave me problems to solve. I asked for prosperity... And God gave me brains and the strength to work. I asked for courage... And God gave me danger to overcome. I asked for love... And God gave me troubled people to help. I asked for favors... And God gave me opportunities. I received nothing I wanted. I received everything I needed. My Prayer has been answered. Does your friend and her fiance love each other? Right now, they have a chance to prove their love. Yes...I also admired that he has the gut to tell my fren eventhough he is afraid that she will be hurt or end the relationship...he told my fren that he really did it ONLY ONCE with the gal and strike lottery...obviously the gal has set this trap up on him and YES, you are absolutely that he is rich...he is successful in business, has BIG car, stay in a luxury condo and good looking...always look clean and smart. So, you tell me which gal won't fall for him? And I also think this gal is desperate to find a partner in life since she is oredi 36. Well, he told my fren that he actually had a talk with the doc in private who examined that gal. He asked the doc whether she can abort or not but the doctor said it will be very risky to that gal as she is not young and something wrong with her uterus....sigh! Thanks for sharing the quote...I have forwarded the quote to my fren and she too feel better. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
