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babybb

:- HaVing ProbLem WitH bF :-

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Recently i have an argument with my bf over some issue. The issue is he dislike i treat my family member more nicer than him. I admit i love my family very much.. i care for them so much.. & i treat them very nice. But the fact is i treat my bf the same way i treat my family but my bf doesnt felt that way. He said i willing to sacrificed all the thing to my family but not him.

I admit some time i was like kinda selfish.. some time even some family gathering i din even inform him that's make him felt uncomfortable until now. I just knew my parents is getting old & my responsibility is to spend much time as possible with them. I mean me & my bf still young we got such a long journey to begin but my parents wasnt & i dont see y he has to be jealous with..

I sacrificed my time.. my $$$.. my love.. my care.. to him & yet he still though i didn't even care about him.. & love him as much as he love me. I try my very best to do everything just to become a good gf for him.. a good daughter to my parents.. & every time when we argue he sure bring up this to topic to talk. He said he doesn't like i stick with my family too much.. & when i went out with my family i'll completely forget about him.

That is not true.. I sms with him every where that i go even with my family or friends. Guy & gal is it a crime for me to love & care for my family?? Guys out there do you mind if your gf spend more time with her family?? or it's my wrong?? I felt so tired i have to care for my family feeling and at the same time i have to care for his feeling as well.. he always said that i treat him not good enuf.. that is not true.. i care him much also.

They is my family..They born me.. They raise me up.. They work like hell to earn $$$ give me better life & education.. what the heck does he want me to do?? Just care & love him?? Don't wan care my family at all?? Guys & gals please do advise me what to do?? my mind is totally blank.. Thank you.

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Greetings Babybb. :)

Just saw this thread u've open in the forum. It is not a crime that you spend more time with your family members ... I believe everyone who loves their family will do the same thing too. Same goes to me either .. we all do. Unless you are those people who will really ignore or disobey your parents then I shall keep my silence about it.

Hmm .. since u've mentioned that most of the time you did inform him about your event or planout of the day. I guess that should be enough .. or if you don't mind u can even share with him more about it in the end of the day. It will actually .. foster a better relationship tie. But that depends on individuals .. whether u are comfy with it or not..

Don't stress or pressure yourself that much,k. Going for a relationship will eventually need to go through lots of obstacles in the way .. but at the end,we all still hope for a good and comfy ones. Ask urself about it .. do you want it to be like this for over 30 or 40 years later ? ;)

Regards,

HughiE

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haha, couldn't agree more than hugie. loving family members is not a crime at all <<--no statutes governing it. jk

as indicated, these are the minor problems he didn't proposed to break right? not a big problem after all. maybe a bit of improvement like inform him i think it is not a hard thing to do right. give it a shoot maybe after this u couples can get better. hmm was wondering why is there some kind of reluctance to inform him bout family outings ur family members have bad impression over ur current bf?

if really cannot ask him what he wants ? if it is uncomfortable, can always go exit route<<--bad idea. there is a pool of selection on men out there.

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He have no reason to love you but not your family. I mean, i've been with a girl previously for 5 years and her family is not your typical family. But i still treat them like mine. However, we seldom contact each other now since the relationship is over. A mature man will love your family. Good luck though.

Edited by Wes

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hi babybb,

you are such a filial daughter that i am sure that your parents are happy to have you. it is very good of you to be reminded that you should spend ample time with your family especially your parents. most of all, you didn't even take your bf for granted and spend as much time with him too!

from your post, i get the impression that your bf seems to be insecure even though you showered him with so much love and care. he appeared to be jealous and accused you of spending more time and love your family more than him. i suspect that he is possessive. but of course, all these are just my assumptions based on how you described him. you should be the one who knows him better to judge that, right?

if he couldn't understand why you would spend more time with your family, i guess he doesn't do the same to his own family and parents? maybe try talking to him or explain to him that it's a child's duty to spend more time with their parents and take care of their own parents. after all, our parents had spent so much time and effort to take care of us since we were born and now that we are grown up and capable, the role should be switched, right?

if he only minds that you spend time with your family more than him, maybe you can invite him over to join you and your family for an outing or gathering. this way, he could bond with your family members as well.

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I don't blame you for the love for your family. I think he needs to be more mature about things. They don't say just "Family First" for no reason, you know. I can feel your frustration , just hang in there. What i'm advicing you to do is, you should tell him how much your family means to you, which noone would understand. He needs to understand that, and hopefully you guys could keep the relationship going on yeah?

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A case of jealousy ? To all those who hadn't had this happen to them self before, don't be so quick to judge.

I guess you just need to prioritize abit to make him feel more wanted. If he hates your family, no use as well i guess.

Good luck.

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From what you said, it sounds like your bf is really immature. You are right in having your family as your priority. Any sensible person would do that too. I suggest you telling him how you feel about this and if he insist that he is not wrong, give each other some time to cool off and think through. I suppose you want a boyfriend who is thoughtful rather than sulking like a baby just because you care more for your family than him.

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hi there..

i have a case like urs as well.. previously, i priotized my family 1st before him (not that i dun care about him)... so eventually, it got us into a huge arguement... partially is my fault as i always tend to forget about him during family session, leaving him alone and frustrated.... sigh...

so, after the arguement, i try inviting him more to my family outing... i tried to get my bf and my family to talk to each other, so that he won't feel neglegted.. i will also inform him 1st whenever i'm busy so that he won't wait for my calls/sms for nothing...

well, i hope it helps.. :)

Hanging there babybb... Good Luck

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basically there's no problem, =)

just hope that ur bf would realize that its important for a partner or even potential one put their family at the first place.

cuz someday somehow if you two get married,

i believe he wants u to put family in the first place too.

isn't that right?

well if he insist that u abandon him in some sort of way,

u should make a day out with him sometimes without ur family's interruption,

like, spend the day just with him, and only for him =)

probably that would comfort him??

i don't know,

just giving opinion, =P

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lol....

What a small hearted guy i ever seen in this world(I mean you bf).

Respect parents or elderly is our must to everyone.

My advice is:

1) Try communicate or talk to him about this matter.

2) Remeber to balance your time with you family and bf.

3) Maybe the way you show your love to him is not what he really wanted. Try to think on his place for a moment that what does he want.

4) Main importance in a realtionship is both side must be very understanding, patient and alots of love on each other.

So remember this sis....

Reagrds.

-Felicia-

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hi babybb.. it seems that your bf is not getting the attention that he wants, thus, more quarrels. and he's kinda immature. how can he stop you from being filial?

why not get him to join your family outings?

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if he love you he will love your family like you do...

he should love and take care who ever dear to you because he wants to married you one day...

talk to him, make this childish bf (sorry girl) understand, if he love you he will understand...

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Hey girl,i am sorry to hear that.Well an argue cause of family issue?well don say it was childish or he don have a family.Might perhaps he had a story behind himself that no one knows.Not to say you treat him no good.You've done your best for him , what he was thinking that was not good enough.Perhaps you may ask him to think wisely and open his heart to accept.You have family and everyone have.And a great parents that earn money for us and step into this society.Well this have nothing to argue about .. Only one thing: You called him to think about ... I mean called him to think overall.. like did i treat you well ? and all those... you give him few days of thinking but don't message him.If he called you and just say think properly and find me i will wait for you...

And try to let him involve in your family gathering.And let him feel the love..

It'll be a comfort value of it...

Let he feel that you treat him well

sometimes relationship is like this ..

You guys perhaps Need a time to think stop a few days.. 3-7 days

If you want to continue rest of your life =D

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sorry to hear tht, but Im sure you and your bf wil get over it after some time.

hav you tried to talk and explain whts you're thinking to him? Im sure he'll understand and in fact its a very positive character of you in caring so much for your family than being like the "money slaves". I bet he's not very close with his own family tho'. mb you can bring him to your family activities and follow him to his family activities, make him love and appreciate his parents more esp when still hv the chance.

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babybb, I would not say your bf is selfish or not understanding. I would say he actually loves you much and thts why he wants you to b with him at all time.You must be lucky to have him.

I also understand that its not easy for you to spend all the time with him alone.

I seriously think he doesnt hate your family. It is just that he wants to be as important as your family in your eyes. Equall love.

Like everyone has suggested, you could bring him along for your family gathering but Im afraid he will feel more out of place when you are busy attending your family members.

I feel the best way is for you is to join him in his family gatherings. If they dont have any, create one. Plan for a day out with his family. There, you will be more attached with him and his family. Indirectly, he will realise how much importance you give to a family value.

Take time to talk to him more(not about the problem-it will worsen the situation)other things. Say out how much you love him and bring back your memories of love.

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agree with dejavu,

Im think he's not a bad bf, sometimes bf is like a lovely kid, wants your love and attention so much tht he might be just abit jealous and wan you to spend all your possible time with him, and doesnt happy to share you with your family. gonna let him know this doesnt mean that he's less important than your family. :)

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