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Guest zero2

Keeping Ex's Messages

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Guest zero2

Hi all,

Notice that there are alot of girls here, would be a good place to ask for constructive oppinion.

My gf and I have been in a relationship for half a year. Before dating me, she has been single for 2 years since the last break up. Her last relationship lasted only 3 days, she realized the doesn't like the guy after 'testing the water' for 1 year ++.

Noticed that my gf is still keeping her 2 of her ex's sms in her phone. 1st is his address, 2nd is his last message to her after their break up, with him wishing her all the best etc.

Honestly I dont quite like it. I've asked some of my friends and they too do not like such thing.

Let me get some girl's oppinion here, acceptable or not? , and do you keep such messages when you are in a new relationship ? And why?

edit: oh ya, i've asked her before, is she still clinging to her past relationship? she said no, and then i asked her what about those messages? she said those messages has been there for very long and she will delete it if i dont like it. It was a conversation on the phone, that was 2 weeks ago, but until today, it's still there.

Edited by zero2

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It may look like ur gf is still hung up over her ex as it's kinda strange for her to want to hold on to such messages after such a long time. Unless she intends to keep the farewell message as a "break-up template" for future use, then I dunno what other explanation there is to that :)

As for the address...hmmm..beats me..maybe she's still sending birthday cards to him etc? I used to do that to one of my exes whom I am still friends with, but it came to a point where I felt that it was "wrong" - almost like cheating on my current boyfriend, hence I stopped. Erased his address, email address etc from my phone.

You may wanna try talking to your gf, ask her why she hasnt erased those details and messages after so long. Asking her if she's still clinging onto her past relationship isnt gonna be of much help....coz even if she is, she'll just keep denying it anyway. Hence, it's best for you to ask her the real reason why she still keeps those stuff in her phone and what exactly she does with them. Simple and straight forward. Hope this helps. Cheers.

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just my 2 cents.

i still keep my ex's sms. i no longer love him, we've lost contact, n it doesn't really matter to me where he is or wut he's doing now.

its just becos of sentimental value.

Edited by preppyrose

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u should focus on how both of u are getting along. dun worry about her past. chicks love the present if he is better than the past.

i dun mind keeping momentos. it is just like the football and running medals that I still have. you don't have to worry. sometimes we need things to remind who we were. you should respect her right for memory.

bad of me to compare meat with medals but heck, close enough

i dun mind my wife talk about her good old time. everybody has a past.

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Maybe ur gf appreciates the msg sentimental way, its hard to say because everyone thinks differently.

For me personally i dont mind if he keeps the pics or msg. But i do mind if i step inside his room and see a photo frama of his ex's pic. I had this experience and what i did is, put down the frama so that i dont her face :P

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She obviously still have feelings for him... u should do something bout this situation... tell her to delete it.

Edited by ƒatal

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hi,

as you say that rship is only last 3days and usually gurls keep the msg

1-Just for sake of the memory

2-she into that guy i mean the certain memory with the past rship..

have you talk in person with yer gf?

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Guest zero2

Hi all,

thank you for your replies.

I've not talked to her on this issue face2face yet, but im planning to once she's back from a study trip soon.

Till then, i'm looking forward to more feedback/suggestions.

i'll let you all know the outcome.

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this is not exactly related... over the years we tend to accumulate a lot of momentos - letters, cards, wedding invitations, token from some events. a lot of us cant bring ourselves to throw them cos of sentimental value. in actual fact if it really go missing, we'll be surprised how it wont bother us at all.

i remember when my first bf left me for someone else... i was really mad at him. i wanna throw away all his cards, letters n handmade gifts but my best friend stopped me, saying dat i may regret it later cos i can bring it out many years later n laugh about it. she offered to keep for me. its been more than 10 years. i've never checked with her how those things are doing now. haha...

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okey first i would like to drop an opinion,but sorry if offend anybody.what i want to say is this topic"keeping ex msgs"-thats not so cool plus brutal.a violence towards feel&soul..this is my personal view..if my hubby keep those..i'll be really disappointed and upset.coz y his handphone got space for me n other woman..such a no-no for me..

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Guest zero2
this is not exactly related... over the years we tend to accumulate a lot of momentos - letters, cards, wedding invitations, token from some events. a lot of us cant bring ourselves to throw them cos of sentimental value. in actual fact if it really go missing, we'll be surprised how it wont bother us at all.

i remember when my first bf left me for someone else... i was really mad at him. i wanna throw away all his cards, letters n handmade gifts but my best friend stopped me, saying dat i may regret it later cos i can bring it out many years later n laugh about it. she offered to keep for me. its been more than 10 years. i've never checked with her how those things are doing now. haha...

What do you mean by 'this is not exactly related?'

okey first i would like to drop an opinion,but sorry if offend anybody.what i want to say is this topic"keeping ex msgs"-thats not so cool plus brutal.a violence towards feel&soul..this is my personal view..if my hubby keep those..i'll be really disappointed and upset.coz y his handphone got space for me n other woman..such a no-no for me..

Hmm, no offence taken :)

what would be a better topic that you'll suggest? :)

I feel the same as well, I'm quite dissapointed actually with this. Not only about the message, but the promise that she made to delete them.

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Zero2,im not suggesting for other topic,its just a first thought when i read this topic...i think its really snap! my mind and suddenly felt really sad..so thats y its not cool...thats all...

somemore ur girl promised?...-sigh-....thats brutal dude...pls dun take the word "brutal" seriously...i mean that kind of act...really disappointing...u should never have a spare space

when ure in a r/s...whats that suppose to mean...i know coz last time the first time im getting with my bf he kantoi those messages from his ex,but it was still early for me to be

jealous,so i ask properly,y he's keeping it,any reason?then we had this talk,he tell me everything bout his past(luckily im kinda cool to accept all that)and he HONESTLY tell me y he

still keep it..so i understood and i give him a warm hug..."hmm its ok..its all over,its all past..im cool..BUT PLS DELETE IT NOW DEAR?coz i think u got lot more msg to come from now

on & doubt if ur cell can take it all!hehe n he delete all infront of me and nextday sell the phone. :lol: then buy new phone n start keeping my msg till now.

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personally i see nothing wrong in keeping my exes contact and messages on my phone since we are still best friends even though we re no longer couple.

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QUOTE (d3vil doll @ Apr 19 2009, 05:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
personally i see nothing wrong in keeping my exes contact and messages on my phone since we are still best friends even though we re no longer couple.

Hmm ... applicable in the situation whereby you are still treating him/her as your best friend instead of couple. What about .. both party whom no longer keep in touch with each other but yet still keeping stuffs that is belongs to either one party all the while .. but at the same time in a relationship with other ? smile.gif

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QUOTE (HughieRmX @ Apr 19 2009, 06:53 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hmm ... applicable in the situation whereby you are still treating him/her as your best friend instead of couple. What about .. both party whom no longer keep in touch with each other but yet still keeping stuffs that is belongs to either one party all the while .. but at the same time in a relationship with other ? smile.gif



hmm that is u hav to ask urself this question:do i keep his/her stuff just so that i can wallow in his/her memorey the time we share together?or u keep that because u have the hogging compulsive disorder,which u cant tolerate throwing away stuffs for the feafr ur memory is taken away from u?

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QUOTE (HughieRmX @ Apr 19 2009, 07:15 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
@devil doll,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts ... smile.gif



anyway ur welcome hug.gif

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don't think too much about the sms. it might just be for sentimental values. if she is really not over her ex, i bet you can find even more stuff of the ex around her. everyone has different ways to really break off with their exes. some may choose to delete every single things, some may keep, so this might just be her way to remember someone that is in her life sometime ago. if you really don't like it, you can always get her another phone so you don't have to ask her to delete it or anything..

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I think it's just a way of her keeping her past memory. On top of that SMS, did she show any sign of 'disloyalty'?

As a girl, and a girlfriend of someone, I do hope for my own space, a place to keep my past relationship as a memory.

Just my thought rolleyes.gif Edited by serene2910

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I think every person has a past...and this is just a part of it that she wants to keep so why not? I am sure that even guys will think about their ex gfs once in a while..whether about good or bad things. It's just that we won't be able to check into his mind like checking their handphones...neway i don't think it's nice to check into your other half's handphone messages..my ex did that and i should have seen the red light...not only was he checking my handphone messages, he was also checkin into my ICQ history messages (ICQ was the fad then)...he turned out to be this possessive and jealous red eye monster....scary...

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ya.. i do still keep it .. till recent my bf keep on tracks my sms-es and email...

he mind my past ... I realy dont know why ... I didnt delete doesnt mind i still attach to him ... just tat is a memory ...
is it guy ver sensitive about this?

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i strongly feel that the ''space of privacy'' involve in this issue..i mean that a past is a past,it doesnt mean anything as past is our memory.we learn and grow from the mistake we make in the past.WITHOUT MEMORY WHO ARE WE?thats life.its downright sick when ur other half invade ur closet of privacy..EVERYONE iregardless of gender enjoys the freedom and space deserve,in order to balance us out and keep our sanity in a piece.
past isnt the same with present nor future.though our past will makes us wiser and stronger.
i totally admit i hate it if my significant other were to try and keep track on my calls,sms,emails,IM, snail mail.i will went beserk and crazy like a tornado sweep past me wacko.gif
what will my significant other feel if i do the same thing to invade his space of privacy?sure he will feel gagged and cant breath in such SUFFOCATING relations.

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