Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
heartbroken

stable relationship with current bf

Recommended Posts

anyone here alre commit into a stable relationship with current bf but tend to stil have feeling for the ex? what i mean here is not really u dun love ur bf but is jus that u stil care for ur ex. his word, action and everythin.

i been apart with my ex bout 4 yrs plus.. been with my current bf bout 1 yrs plus.. something happen btw my ex n i n i know that we could never patch back no matter what , the trust is not there anymore n is just wouldn feel the same. he is my 1st love and there is alot of sweet memories btw us. hav been 3 yrs single life and i decided to burried my past.

til last yrs, i m commited with my current bf . he loves me very much and i love him too.. is jus that ( my ex n i stil keeping in touch )..n i noticed that every time he call i wil be very excited, i ll rmb every word from him . all this torture me as i feel like i hav betray my current bf each time we on the phone.

i know i should avoid his call but .. i jus dunno why i cant.. what can i do to totally let go the past ... i wont want to hurt my current bf.

do i stil in love with him? i could not answer myself..

anyone has the same experience? i need to know what should i do to free myself from him?

Edited by heartbroken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, this is life.

Learn how to forgive but not forget.

It's either you didn't really kick him out off your life

or

Even tho you both broke up 4 years ago... It doesn't means you erase all your memories with him.

Even tho he betrayed you or whatsoever that happen, but previously you both did had a happy time...

Tho that now both of you are not attach anymore, it doesn't mean you cannot care for him or being excited.

Maybe because you're very kind-hearted person, so even tho you really broke up with him, you still care for him as a friend.

Also maybe because previously you're in love with him before... so no matter how you still care for him...

Thats only my opinion...

Anyway, its really up to you.

The easiest way is to concentrate more into your current boyfriend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

its almost the same case for me..

i'm attach but whenever my ex-crush sms me or even call me and so on..

i will be very excited..

its like, even though i know he doesn't mean anything,

his ' looking forward to see u' or something..

i will feel happy about it.. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i jus read on the "second opinion topic " ..

I LOVE U BUT I CANT B WIT U...

yea..that mayb the reason y i m not wit him..

too hard to explain..

BABYKITTIEZ , so would u has the betraying feelin?

what would u do? cont to get excited bout him?

is funny as that we get excited n happy eventhou we not he doesnt mean anything !

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

haha. i have same feeling too. just that every time my ex calls me my bf will be beside me. he will give me some kind of look. and if things get bad, he will talk to my ex personally. and my bf often get jealous. try to put yourself in his shoe, what if his ex calls him, will you get jealous. then you will eventually know how to differentiate your ex and your bf.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
i jus read on the "second opinion topic " ..

I LOVE U BUT I CANT B WIT U...

yea..that mayb the reason y i m not wit him..

too hard to explain..

BABYKITTIEZ , so would u has the betraying feelin?

what would u do? cont to get excited bout him?

is funny as that we get excited n happy eventhou we not he doesnt mean anything !

betrayin feelin?? not really.. just feel weird..

but.. i tends to think to myself, do i still hav feelings for my ex crush??

lol..but if you didn't think about it i guess that's okay..

i can't help aso right if i get excited bout him..

yesterday i went out with him and i got all nervous in front of him..

shaking.. but not that obvious..

kinda kaku infront of him.. =P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

WAO! u 2 meet? haha..

i dun think we ll meet...

if yes also ll be a coincident on the street

hehe

yea..u r right, we cant help if we get excited for his call.

i decided to avoid his cal, not totally avoid la, but contact less lo

thx for all respond =)

Edited by heartbroken

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You cant say that ur in a stable relationship with someone, if ur feeling for someone else.

You cant say that u love that person, if ur feeling for someone else.

If im wrong... state ur explaination.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmmm why did you break up when you still have feelings for each other? Or to be more specific, why did you get into a new relationship when it could be a rebound love? I'm sorry but I find this a selfish act, to care only how "I" feel and do what "I" want. I care for this but I can't forget the ex, I love my ex but I do not wish to lose my current one. I agree with Dee, put yourself in your current's shoes, how would you feel if he's doing exactly what you are doing now? Sorry to sound so naggish, but I just thought relationship is not just about love and desire but also responsibility :afro: Hope you can sort that out soon.

And well if I were you, I would not contact my ex at all. If I still treasure the friendship we currently have, I would definitely include my current in it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

stable relationship as in both our families agreed n being supportive of us being together

stable as in he love me very much

stable as in i love him too...

is not impossible to stil hav feel for someone else, esp one that hav been very closed to ur heart b4 ... is not that inlove type.. it might something like a love to a frien , a very nice friend that hav treat u well last time..

i ll jus some time wonderin how is he doing ? but not til the extent of "missing" him

is jus i hav no idea y i get excited when he calls, the feelin wil flow away after talking to him =) is jus that the moment i pick up the call...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i think u are still giving too much hope between the two of u..you might not love ur current bf sincere enuff or it might jz b out of pity at d 1st place, or mebi he was jz to fill ur emptiness at that moment..so u havent let dis ex of urs away yet..

so when he came back into the pic altho jz as friends and since he is ur 1st love, i guess it is so hard for u to part away n make him part of ur history..

my advise, just like the other girls is to leave this ex of urs behind, stop keeping in touch wif him no matter in wut way..

what would ur current bf will feel if he knows about this?

try to put ur situation if it ever happen to him instead..would it hurt u?

think about ur current bf, not ur enjoyment only..

being in a relationship involves two person only, not more..n only having d feelings with jz d two of u..

think wisely of the outcome if this continue for such a long time..u would not want to hurt ur current bf do u?since u said that u love him too..

also think the feelings that u actually have with ur current bf...is it pure love, out of pity or just loneliness..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey be strong k! guess we are just too concerned. Don't take our 'harsh' opinions too personally. I guess we have put ourselves in your shoes, well excluding the real feelings and therefore it's easier said than done. make sure you do this for yourself first and not your other half, it's only more convincing to yourself rather than giving it up halfway and say, why should i sacrifice for you? Do it for yourself!

And you have just needed to abide by your siggy, don't cry because it's over, smile because it happens. be strong and walk through this :) You will happier, and your relationship will be healthier too ....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thx berlyn. more than happy to get some responses here. u r very sweet n helpful indeed =)

i hav actually decided very long ago to cut any contact with him. jus wish to get some encouragement and support!

u r right, i should put myself in my bf's shoes, i know what is the best for him , me n my ex. that is to completely have a clear relationship n no more hanky-panky thingy! :wink3:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

good for u ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You see that’s why an ex is an ex and you should never keep in touch with them no matter what (unless if it was a mutual breakup).

In your case, there was a betrayal of trust – all the more reasons to cut him off from your life. The more he’s still in your life, you’ll find it hard to move on and love someone else because the what ifs lurk around and the good memories/feelings/euphoria with your ex keeps toying with your feelings.

And it’s unfair to your bf too. Imagine how you’d feel if he keeps in touch with his ex gfs? So my advice to you (for the sake of your current r/ship) is to avoid your ex completely. Only then you'll realize that you never had any feelings for your ex to begin with.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was once in the same predicament too. I committed myself to a steady relationship (after being single for almost a year) but still had feelings for my ex whom I dumped 2 years before. The feelings for my ex went on and on as we secretly kept in touch by sms and calls and occasionally met under the guise of me seeing my "friends". Yeah, I lied to my bf and felt no guilt whatsover. Till one day (say some 3-4 months after that), I woke up realising how much I really really loved my boyfriend and that I wouldnt want anything to ruin our precious relationship, hence I decided to avoid and ignore all sms and calls from my ex. Well, nothing actually happened to trigger the "waking up" process but somehow I just did, with no reason or rhyme. Am guessing that it's the way my boyfriend treats me, he loves me for who I am unconditionally and he put all his trust in me and I just saw it in his eyes day after day that he is THE one for me. Nways, it was hard avoiding my ex at first (I just felt the urge and got so tempted to reply his messages and pick up his calls and also to meet him!! That was the worst part) but managed to successfully resist them. And today, here I am, feeling absolutely NOTHING for my ex regardless of the great times we had together.

See babe, it's only a matter of time before you realize who and what is more worth your time and effort. A clandestine affair or a true, solid relationship that may possibly last a lifetime? Take your pick, snap out of whatever fantasy world that you're living in which features your ex. You must be strongwilled to endure it too. It may be hard at first but at the end of the day, you will gain a lot and realize how foolish you've been having feelings for your ex. Yeah and as Cas had correctly put it, an ex is an ex. Sever all ties with him/her unless the breakup was mutual and you guys have no problems being friends. Other than that, girl, you're just gonna end up hurting yourself :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
its almost the same case for me..

i'm attach but whenever my ex-crush sms me or even call me and so on..

i will be very excited..

its like, even though i know he doesn't mean anything,

his ' looking forward to see u' or something..

i will feel happy about it.. :(

same for me...i've been broke up with my ex for 5 years ago and all the while we still keep contact each other and i know he already have a gf. Everytime he calls me, i be excited too and even sometimes he will say something like flirting to me .Sometimes i will think back what if last time we never break? Coz now he seem an ideal guy for women(he got big car, condo, and is a manager ) which i can say its a success for guy at the age of 24.But we can't buy back time. so now i thinking its better to workhard on my own rather than depending on guys.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...