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pamster

my bf visit prostitute for handjob

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*** update ****

hey, thanks for everybody's comments, i really took everybody's advise to heart.

he came to see me and we talked the whole night through.

he looked really bad, he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and he told me he washed himself so many times because he felt dirty, which was why he couldn't bear to let me kiss him. even before we started dating, in the 5 years i've known him, i've never seen him so tired and sick before, it really surprised and touched me that he felt so guilty. ANYWAY TO CUT THE LONG STORY SHORT, i threw alot of things at him, hit him, punch him, bite him, and he just quietly took it. He asked me to hit harder, I called him an idiot. I have to admit, I was very touched that he didn't blame what he did on his colleagues, or friends, or his loneliness, or even my sexual abilities. He just said he's stupid, he wanted to try something new. But he doesn't want to try it anymore. He said being touched by a girl for money and being touched by a girl out of love is very different (guys is this true? heh heh).

so, thank you for all your replies. i'm giving him a second chance. because what we have is precious. because looking at his face, i really believe he's sorry and he won't do it again (because i've known him so long i can safely say he's not a playboy type who's good at acting).

btw, i also came up with some conditions :

i. no more spa, massages for him! not even with his colleagues, unless i'm with him

ii. he has to go for full body check up (let him understand the dangers of std)

iii. allowing me to hang out and gossip with his mom

there are a few more petty terms, like he has to drive me around more often, take me out for dinner more, clean my car, clean his car and we both decided that this cannot be brought up during the next fight. for my part, as i slowly forget this incident, i will learn to pleasure and tease him more, i guess (but this one i didn't tell him lah, how can). the important thing is he understands the next time he does this, it's over for good.

it has been a few days, surprisingly i still trust him a lot, and we both have the feeling that this somehow brought us closer together. he has been quite worried, telling me it's ok if i want to go through his handphone SMSes or log check his email account (but i don't want to be that paranoid person). it has occurred to me that maybe i'm making a mistake giving him another chance, but i think i will regret it more if i don't see how this story plays through.

actually i'm very happy now. weird huh. :) hope i have a happy ending! thanks for ur support!

*

we've known each other for 4 years, then only start dating for one year lor. we're both young, just graduated and worked 1 year.

last week he told me he went to a thai spa to get a massage. when i asked him further, he admitted he got naked and the "hot thai girl" gave him a handjob. she let him kiss her neck and massage her breasts. in return, she also kissed his neck and moaned for him. later she asked him if he wanted more service but he said he didn't want.

he told me these things, but acted so surprised when i cried and said i wanted to break up. he kept saying that he didn't choose the thai girl over me, but actually he did, didn't he? he said the reason he went was because he was sexually lonely, because we only make out when we go on holiday.

thinking back, i think he doesn't love me... i found these few days he won't let me kiss him or touch him (he said because he has no mood). but the moment i said i wanted to break up, he asked me not to go, that he loved me alot.

i love him a lot though. only two problems will come if we patch things up :

1. any advice on how to forget this incident?

2. i worry i will start to control him, ask him where he go, what he do all the time

sigh. i know, the best thing is to forget about him and move on... but ... i keep thinking, the fact that he told me these things himself, shows that he didn't know it will hurt me so much, right? he's stupid, but at least he didn't do it on purpose... qua.

Edited by pamster

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Sorry to hear. Hai yah, how can he not know doing this would upset you and saying it like that to make you cry ah? You're right, he's so stupid & seriously needs to grow up. 

Sorry girl, dump him. I think it's a matter of time this guy will get AIDS or some other VD adventuring with sluts. Like you said, he doesn't even know what he's doing? How can you trust him anymore? Doing something makes a partner so insecured, you're correct about wanting to control him because you cannot ever trust him again. Just forget him, he'll only bring you more heart ache.

You don't want to make out with him only on a holiday, you don't want to make out with anyone, until they marry you.

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Gal, just leave him. Those are just his excuses. Guy s will have thousands of reason for wat they did. Mayb u'll think that at least he admid his mistake but you wont know what is the actual situation or the story behind. I believe that if there is first time, then there will the second time.

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now, when both of u are only dating, he already did something that every girl is super sensitive about.

so think what will he dare to do in future?

in the end the one who suffer is u.

if he loves u that much, he wouldn't do it in the first place.

entering the thai massage is already a big mistake(since massage center is famous for this kinda service), he knows what he'll expect when he first enter the spa already.

u'll be sad when the moment u leave him. but in future, u might be thankful for yr own action.

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pamster

i was quite suprise your bf told you everything. He let things out easily. He trusted you and be honest to you. Its good. Wether or not you need to forgive him, it depends on u and how u see it. For me, i would like to know if he felt its wrong or not. In future, never allow it to happen. Its quite unsecure. A man can hardly go thru temptations esp girls. So maybe if he like going massage, u can come together. Have a massage too, then it would be fun. For me, its no big deal, just the thoughts thinking him so stupidly letting go of himself to a cheapo like that kinda make me sick. If he felt it hurt me, and sorry for it, then its okay.

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Hand job? I bet more happened... Uknow men/guys these days, giving into temptations. Usually oral sex leads to other stuff.

If my husband were to tell me that some bitch gave him a hand job and they touched n kissed each other, id leave him like that. If they can do it once, they can do it again. Leave the filthy rubbish were it belongs... I dont keep trash.

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Once a cheater always a cheater. I see him as a cheater and he doesn't deserve you. You are still young. Time to move on, someone better will come along...

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i agree with most of the opinions here

i think he shouldn't so all the things that you mentioned once he is on a serious relationship with someone

he would give in to temptations again for sure!

don't keep trash like VVV says

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guys r really stupid!!! :(

and this is real mature coming from a women..?

i can point out some threads here from women. "How to make my bf jealous", "would you check SO handphone" etc. In short, don't generalize gender. Both gender has pros and cons and both makes stupid stuff and has immature attitude.

To op, at least your bf was honest enough. It takes a REAL MEN to admit their mistake. It could go either way. He now knows how much he really cares and love you that he didn't do anything with the other person because deep down he wants you and only you. Or you can don't trust him forever and just end the relationship.

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I agree, not all men are stupid.

However, i have a question for her bf though. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TELL?? DUH.......

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No man will admit they mistake because of their ego n selfish.....

Be proud of ur bf coz he is really sincere to you to tell u d truth....

Giv him a chance... :wink3:

Edited by skye

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suddenly generalize gender pulak...at first i tot can come in here and read about how good the girl give HJ.

did ur bf describe in details how the whole session went? can give us FR(Field Report) here or not?

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dear pamster, so sorry to hear ur story.. but there's really no point keeping the relationship.. i dun think its only handjob has been done, i bet there's more.. if there's once, there will be twice & so on.. i noe it hurts, but time can heal.. if u still wanna continue the relationship, i dun think u can 4get tat incident.. it'll definitely gonna haunt u.. and yes, as a normal reaction, u of course will start questioning him lotsa question when he's not wit u.. better think twice i can say..

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There is a different between a girl and a matured lady. A girl tends to take things emotionally while a matured lady takes thing rationally.

If I were to give you an advise, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you really love him? I mean really DO love him. Do you REALLY want to marry him and not anyone else, be his wife and have his children?

2. If you do, then can you FORGIVE him?

It is normal for guys to be naughty, but it takes a real guy to admit his mistakes and tell you the truth. We, men are egoistic. So, to admit making a mistake is the last thing we want to do. I admire Chua Soi Lek and Bill Clinton for not denying what they had done wrong. But what I admire most is their wives who stand behind them, went through difficult times together, no matter what other people might have said and think about them. And to me, this is the difference between a girl and a matured lady, who can think past beyond one man's mistake.

If he told you the truth, he is honest.

So, if he said he loves you, he mean it and really care for the relationship.

You cant stop the guy from being naughty. But you can make yourself being more attractive.

All the best!

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Telling the truth does not equate him to being a man or the right for another chance. Does this mean he can get away with anything and everything every time he chooses to tell her the truth? So pls, do get out of this r/ship before you get hurt even more! You deserve better babe. *hugs*

Edited by Cas

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Telling the truth does not equate him to being a man or the right for another chance. Does this mean he can get away with anything and everything every time he chooses to tell her the truth? So pls, do get out of this r/ship before you get hurt even more! You deserve better babe. *hugs*

Cas, I agree with you 100%.

I have a friend, his hobby was going to SPA for hand job / blow job. Before he got married, he confessed that to his girlfren, the girlfren tot that's the past and still married him. He is now married with a kid, and I know he has stopped going to SPA as what he promised but you know what, he went around and chase after other girls and had sex with them... he even did it on the next day after his wedding day.

I got another friend, his hobby was also SPA for blow job.... he is father of 3 kids, a very very nice husband, he told us that he loves his wife and kids a lot, he will never ever leave them, and that hobby is just a hobby with no harm. He was very surprise when I commentted that he was actually betraying his wife. For him, HE THINK IT IS SUCH A SMALL MATTER.

I hope you get what I mean.

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Telling the truth does not equate him to being a man or the right for another chance. Does this mean he can get away with anything and everything every time he chooses to tell her the truth? So pls, do get out of this r/ship before you get hurt even more! You deserve better babe. *hugs*

If she can't forgive him for he did, then by all means leave him for other guy. There is no point eating your heart out remembering that he had actually made a mistake that you cant never forgive.

But remember, if you decide to dump him, all the sweet moments u had together will be gone! Those sweet memories when u were together for holidays, eating out at your favorite place, watching movies together, making love and more. U'll live to remember them for the rest of your life and wishing what it would be like if u could just forgive him. If u remember them later in your life, it will be bitter than remembering what mistake he had made.

Also, what makes u think the next guy would be better? Are u willing to wait until u found a guy that fits your moral standard? For how long?

Don't dump a man because he makes a mistake. Every man is prone to make mistakes. Me included. Dump him only if he stops loving you and neglecting his responsibilities to you.

Give him a chance. Wishing you a happy relationship.

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i wonder wat is in his mind when he go and tell u the truth...mayb new tactic to ask for break-up?

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What he did is NOT alright. Flirting, yes it's easily forgive-able but getting a handjob from a hooker, you reckon that's not a huge mistake? Yes, everyone makes mistakes but not everyone makes mistakes where prositutes are concerned. if he wants to pay for his handjob then by all means do it when you're single.

And yes she can continue to be in a r/ship with him IF she can forgive and FORGET but in most cases, you forgive but you don't forget something like this and this will cause stress and a loss of trust in the r/ship. Would anyone want to be in a r/ship like this?

I believe he neglected his reponsiblity the minute he opted for that handjob from a prostitute.

Sorry, but that honestly is my opinion.

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We know it takes a lot of guts to admit one's wrong. But what ur bf did was very wrong. 1st of all, if you know it's a hot thai girl, do not request to be naked, it's a wrong move if you know you can't control yourself. My bf goes for massage regularly before I met him cuz he was an athelete, but he admitted that he had never be naked before and requested for an older lady to massage him, I dunno how true is that but the fact that he never visit a massage place after we;re together.

Listen to your heart, if u think it's worth to go on, be with it. But think about it, does a bf/gf need to have mood to be kissed/hugged or what? Does he really love u? How tired or angry u are, he/she is still your love one.... must dedicate every single minute for each other...

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Telling the truth does not equate him to being a man or the right for another chance. Does this mean he can get away with anything and everything every time he chooses to tell her the truth? So pls, do get out of this r/ship before you get hurt even more! You deserve better babe. *hugs*

ya! 101% agree!! doesnt mean u r brave enaf to admit the mistakes tat u have done makes u a MAN! u dun even noe whether anot ur guy has done something more than just the handjob tat he mentioned, r u willing to guess it 4 the rest of ur life then?

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