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CuriousMe

unfair? too protective?

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is my parents being unfair or too protective or its just me being sensitive?

i haf an elder sis,26,n she treats d house like a motel,going in n out whenevr she wants.

at some point she didnt even come back home without informing my parents.

she always hangout at duno whr till 2/3 am n my parents just let her be,they're cool wif it.

but if im d 1 doing it,my parents,especially me dad will lecture me for 2/3 days,saying im too young

n i duno how to take care of myself n still immature to judge the ppl i met.im 22 turning 23 this yr.

my sis haf been doin this since she was 21.till now i've nvr been to midnite movies,hanging out till 2/3

am n even goin for trips wif my frens,i feel left out.sometimes i fil tat they dont trust me n my frens.

each time i bring up tis topic,my parents will change it,so ive since stopped popping it up.

ive tried talking to em in a good manner,at d rite time but they dont bother.

any1 of u haf this kinda problem or use to haf this prob?

wat can i do to gain my parents trust?

do u think its rude to yell at em telling me wat i want so they realise wat i want?

it is an advantage being d eldest?

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Act wat i think is ur parent is protecting u. U know as u were the youngest in the family. Ur parent already do wrong in letting ur sister going in and out the house like a motel and come bac home late to 2 or 3 am as u mention.

So as u were the youngest ur parent have the responsibility to protect u and not let follow ur sister step. Is good tat ur parent will lecture u when u come bac late. Long time ago when i come bac late my parent will lecture or scold me for coming bac late home. But now my parent not so bother bout it as i think tat they were not concern me anymore. But thank god they still will lecture me once in a while.

Yes, i know is hard for u to accept such thing tat happen on u. As u feel tat u have no freedom while ur parent is controling u too much even make u cannot make it for midnite movie. But bear with it... ur parent is concern bout u.

Don be so sensitive...Take good care my fren...good luck

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take it easy, this is not all the time, you will be free later on, every parents have this kind of attitude, bcoz you are the youngest. later on, there wont even care you also, wat u have to do is make them confident with you so that they noe you are mature enough to think and do wat u wan to do.

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yeah i used to have this situation before, since im the only daughter and my bro is the only son. But i'd been to boarding school before so i seldom spent my days at home. Even now, i did my degree at place far away from home. I will only go home once a year.

When i was below 20, my parents used to scold me whenever i come back late. And always call me if i wasnt back yet. I dont blame them as nowadays crime is everywhere (rape, kidnap etc). You just have to be patient. You still can go out with your frens. Thats not bad.

Edited by marmar

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dear curiousme,

may i ask what kind of person is your sister?? is there any big big argument that have ever happen before between her and your parent? i appologized if you think that i m prying too much into your private affair...

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no big argument happen b4.she's d daring type unlike me very kuai or shud i say penakut.

i agree if my parents do tis cos they dont want me to be like my sis in future,but i think letting me loose once

in a blue moon is alrite rite?

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u r truely a gud gurl... i'm de only daughter, hv a younger bro. he dont like stepping out of the hse, his life is the pc.

i like to hang out with frens n i always get a hard time about it. i was a scardy cat until 3 years ago when i started to ignore them.. i knw ... mean, but i hate feeling left out all the time. it started with lies like staying over at frens place (while we actually went to genting) n then i just dont bother telling them -.-'

my hp wud start ringing after 8pm, sometimes i'd leave it in silent mode or just turn it off.

since we came overseas, no more problem. No place to hang out after 6pm. everybody is happy =)

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It's not uncommon for parents to be overly protective to the younger child. Reason being, they knew something went wrong with their parenting method and that is obviously reflected on your elder sister. As such, they will be more protective and do more to 'prevent' you from becoming like your sis. I used the word 'prevent' because that is the initial fear most parents have. When they are at loss, too disappointed and worse, self-blame for what happened to your sis, they vow not to have the same thing happen again especially on the younger ones. Instead of trying to reach and tell them what you want, why don't you try listening to them? When you listen to them, you will realize more.

It's a basic rule of life, and as quoted from Stephen Covey's book, Seek to Understand and then to be understood. So from your situation, your parents could be desperate to be aware of how your sister is. I'm sure they are 100% more exasperate with your sister's behavior even if on the outlook, they appear to have that 'can't-be-bothered' kind of attitude. So when the younger child listens to them empathetically, they get to speak more and when they get to speak more, they will then spend time to listen to you. Coz by listening to them, they will feel comforted. With that, they will realize you're not a young teenager anymore. Two-way communication will start when one side starts to listen :) Give it a try and you will see wonder.....But bear in mind, this might take months.....not miraculous like one day or a week :)

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no big argument happen b4.she's d daring type unlike me very kuai or shud i say penakut.

i agree if my parents do tis cos they dont want me to be like my sis in future,but i think letting me loose once

in a blue moon is alrite rite?

ohhh... since there is no arguement then i m sad to tell you that you are quite doom... HAHAAHHAA

why u ask? cause you are their last plaything... if you leave the house then they have no one to fuss about... same as my lil bro... samething... but much lighter then yours... cos well he is the number 4th child... they have fuss enough of 3 child already... so their fussing habit kinda get exhausted... mebbe you can introduce a pet to them... let say a baby dog or cat... then ehem... that poor pet will be your scape goat... it help in my house

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ahhhh..looks like we are in the same boat..I am absolutely in the same situation like you.....probably thats what causing me to be so weird among people..

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ur parent love u soooooOO much...just appreciate them........

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ahhhh..looks like we are in the same boat..I am absolutely in the same situation like you.....probably thats what causing me to be so weird among people..

haha..weird person..how weird r u?

lack of social kinda make me a quiet person n i nvr let out my feelings to evryone.

my face expression is just 1 whether im sad,happy,angry watsoever oso the same face.

all of u rili comforts me,thanks,but i still hate the fact tat im not free to go in n out.

but that probly helps me to disiplin myself n also saves me lots n lots of kaching kaching.

Edited by CuriousMe

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disiplin....

*start imagine curiosme with a dog leash on her neck*

*look at curiosme very long time*

row!! come one row!! sit!! sit!! good girl!!

ahahaha... Just kidding :P

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CuriosMe,

Appreciate your parents' love.

You don't ask for after midnight hang out time from your parents at initial outings with friends.

You want to be home safe and sound around 10pm - 11pm.

Promise them what time you will be home. Let's say 10pm.

Be on time, you might wanna to push a little bit further -1030pm.

No hassle and mess u created out there.

Be appropriate on your outfits and bring along nice friends to your house to show them to your parents.

As time goes by, you are gaining your parents' trust.

It takes a while that you can push it after 12am.

Take it easy.

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CuriosMe,

Appreciate your parents' love.

You don't ask for after midnight hang out time from your parents at initial outings with friends.

You want to be home safe and sound around 10pm - 11pm.

Promise them what time you will be home. Let's say 10pm.

Be on time, you might wanna to push a little bit further -1030pm.

No hassle and mess u created out there.

Be appropriate on your outfits and bring along nice friends to your house to show them to your parents.

As time goes by, you are gaining your parents' trust.

It takes a while that you can push it after 12am.

Take it easy.

Very constructive comment from A-Z :D

Yup, you should focus on building your folks' trust and confidence on you. Share with them your social circle. Evaluate your own character. Perhaps they see you as being the weaker daughter in terms of being street wise(you said you're a 'penakut'). If something should happen, they're worry you might not know how to handle and hence they see a need to protect you strongly. They may have gone overboard by limiting your social activities to such an extend, however, do try to understand and find out the reason why and start working your corrections from there.

Until now i still enjoy having late drinks till 3am. But putting heavy considerations on the security level in the city plus the worry of a mother whose daughter haven lie in bed, i limit myself to such hour extensions. Moreover, i can manage to get my beauty sleep. Haha :lol:

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mayb u're rite.my parents afraid tat im not able to handle a critical situation since im quite a penakut.i duno wana term it penakut or shy?hmm..but do u think im able to actually gain my parents trust on my frens when they dont even like to see me hanging ard wif em?they r quite tough for me to handle..for em,dont like is dont like,no is no.no matter how hard i try to convince em,its still a no.hmm..

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