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yammy

Can you forgive your man if he is two timing you?

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lol honestly i'm sick of all these threads that asks " are u this and that or that and this " whichever, and when ppl voice out their opinions, there's always this one person, who criticises on someone else's opinion.. the question is whether u like/do etc or not, thats it.. no right to say whether what he/she is right or wrong.. or in this case, merciless to his/her bf/gf/wife/husband.. haihz

well anyway back to topic.. i wouldnt like my gf/wife cheating on me either =p cuz its betrayal! die !! :bang:

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IMHO, the whole thing (or any issues relating to relationships) has nothing to do with perfection. There's a contradiction there already because it has already been said that 'no one is perfect'. There is no need to be perfect to to keep your pants on. A certain man wasn't perfect because he was born of a virgin, etc. He was perfect because of the decisions He made in His life.

Anyway, I'm not in the liberty to comment about the 'forgiveness of my man two-timing me' as my sexual inclinations is towards a woman not a man. But if it was a woman, I think that I'd say 'No'... now. Last time, I would have forgiven, which I did... twice. A lot of situations and things in life can avoided.

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ideally, i believe most of us would rather walk away than to live with the uncertainty and heartache that infidelity brings. But then again, things are easier said than done, especially when a person has invested years of their lives together with the other person.

i would forgive, but only once. and he better be worth it.

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depends da situation, if too worse better split 4 a while or "sorry" juz bye bye...

Love some1 is hard but hate or angry some1 is even harder.

Edited by KeNz

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Once when we were having this discussion (me & my fiance), two things came up.

First of all, women and men view sex differently. To women it's an emotional thing, to men it's a physical thing. And this is why it is generally ...and I repeat the word GENERALLY, it is easier for a woman to resist sexual temptation.

Having said that, the second point he made clear to me was that it is not as easy to sleep around as we imagine it to be or see in movies. He told me there needs to be a proper setting, and he went on to explain that most indiscretions happen maybe when you're out in a bar and meet some girl, or you're out with the boys and everyone's flirting with mutual girl buddies, and since all high already, something happens like a kiss which leads to other things, or you intentionally call a girl out and then stuff happens but he says in your HEAD you already know where you want it to go or where it MIGHT go, so the thing here is to PREVENT such situations from happening. He told me there are many steps to reach the final step. You got to walk,...get into the car,...drive,....go to the house/hotel/wherever, take of clothes, etc. The point he was trying to make was, there are many steps to the final step of sleeping with someone else, so as a man, he feels he can stop at any of those steps if he wanted to. So the excuse of IT JUST HAPPENS - not good enough ler. Alot of people use the excuse of being drunk, then why get so drunk in the first place? There is just not a gd enough reason.

When he said that I realised we got to stop making excuses for men and treat them like adults. There is no excuse for being unfaithful, much less having a full blown affair.

However, personally, just like Adrienne, if I have a family, I would try to forgive him. Although I really don't know how I would feel when the time comes.

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Personally, i think a man cheats bcos he wants to. Even if he has a weak mind and easily influence, the fact is he "wants" to cheat. Like what kitty said, a man can stop at any point, but does he wants to and can his mind be strong enough to do so?

I had actually ask this question to my close female friends, and most of their answer is no. One did say she will forgive.... but after cutting off his d*** and then only welcome him back to the family. She ended it saying "prevention better than cure, hence cutting it off is the best solution preventing a 2nd time " :lol:

Personally, i have not face this situation. But fair to say, it also depends if we have children or not. I would like to be a big hearted man to say i will forgive and forget, esp for the children. But once the trust is broken, its kinda hard to mend it back.

I would be hesistant, doubtful and always suspicious of her intention.

Thats why, to me, prevention is always better than cure. I will see and observe how strong her determination and will power is during the courting stage prior to comitting further. Bcos i am a very ambitious person and will not let anything stand in my way. And the last thing i need to face is a two timing wife to add to a oredi stressful situation :)

Edited by lordy

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I have a hard time trusting people as it is...so if my man (whom most certainly have earned my trust) two timed me, i will forgive him...but it'll also be the last of our realtionship ... being angry and hating him will only make myself suffer..might as well just live and learn from it and move on with life...

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Funny. I distinctly remember stating that I would give anyone three chances. Wouldn't someone having an affair over a month count as used up their three chances all in one shot?

Well, don't state your views if you do not intend to be judged by it.

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Funny. I distinctly remember stating that I would give anyone three chances. Wouldn't someone having an affair over a month count as used up their three chances all in one shot?

Well, don't state your views if you do not intend to be judged by it.

well my dear.... please dun be so judgemental about other ppl.... "I would give anyone three chances. Wouldn't someone having an affair over a month count as used up their three chances all in one shot?" doesnt make much sense to me. ur previous argument held water but u totally lost me with this statement. sorry.

anyway, same goes to u.... "don't state your views if you do not intend to be judged by it." i was trying to be nice and respecting your views.... so please be more considerate and respect other ppl's views too. and i wasnt judging you by your views.... nor was i judging your views....in other words... who are u to judge my views? as far as i know, my views didnt hurt anybody....

dont expect everyone to think the same way as u... don't try and redicule them if they dont....

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Wah! I recently found out that a lot of men (in their late 30s, 40s and 50s) where I'm working are two timing their wifes! :blink::blink:

Even though I was kind of expecting it since their wives are outstation (and you can just guess how these lonely uncles would entertain themselves), I kind of felt sorry for the wives... I think their wives probably know it too, but just don't say anything. :doh:

I don't think I can forgive my man if he has a gf/mistress outside. Seriously, I would break up/divorce him. Can you forgive your man if he does that?

Ehh....After i read through all threads, apparently "Men who are Jerks deserve whether 1 chance to 3 chances". I was :shocking: This is controvesial issue here.

Excuse me ladies, i don't mean to hurt some of your girls' feeling. In this situation, some of the females need to hold for some responsible too.

Please don't point your finger to all those late 30s to 50s uncles. Yes, undeniable, there are some old jerks like to fool around.

Here are some of my opinions.

Sex

I suppose majority of these couples they are around same age. Obviously, some of these "jerk" men aren't getting enough what they want. That's why when they meet each other in the same company, talking about their wife's weakness and "ajak" each other for fun. Majority of them are 40s and 50s. Here comes their wifes who are same age as them, having mid life crisis who don't want have sex with their hubby. Did you know how many couples can't work it out in this mid life crisis age and divorced?

Apperance

Females' lost their physically apperance's attraction to their husband. I am not talking about this young age ladies new modern thinking. I am talking about those 40s and 50s era thinking. When these ladies married to their husband, they tend to follow them for the wholelife, doesn't matter how their hubby physically change to whatever round or oval size. The other way round, men are selfish creatures. They tend to draw their eyeballs to pretty stuff, even their hand or *ahem*. Instead of their wife.

Oh yeah, i have this telling by so many men who are 40s and 50s even my dear dad. When men comes to this mid life crisis age, their attracted to a lot young age ladies. The other way round it means they wanna to have sex with them - High sex drive. Please, if you don't believe, you might want to interview your dad. They may deny it.

Outstation/career/women advice

Some of the successful women in career wise neglect their families and always outstation. Indirectly, pressure build on husband shoulder. "Men ego" i mean here.

Women advice, is the worst thing i ever see here. They like to gather around and to give advice to each other how to tame their husband. Yes some of them might think process the advice before they use it on their husband. Unfortunately, majority of them are not. Why? Same philosophy here. Men always think someone's wife is better than his. The other way round, women did the same thing. So when they take this advice home and apply on their husband, now quarrel comes along.

Ladies, those i mentioned up there are not strong enough to support men can fool around or not to fool ard.

But, majority ladies need to be responsible to part of this fool ard thingy.

Men of coz cannot have to many excuses becoz of their stupid mid life crisis. Juz god darn hold your cuckoo tight.

Conclusion, require to communiate both ways.

Thank you.

Edited by Sam

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very interesting perspective, sam :thumbsup: yes, definately we have to look both ways... dont take the following to seriously, k? it's just a rant.... :P it IS true that there are instances where women contribute to the fact that some men fool around... cant disagree with that...

however, mid life crisis is just an excuse as well.... it's the same as girls acting "too much" and blaming it on PMS [yes i think it's totally rediculous that girls use PMS as an excuse for all their "crazy" behaviours and attitudes... hey babe, you dont get PMS more than ONCE A MONTH... dont overuse this lame excuse please]... i hate ppl who use PMS or mid life crisis or menopause as an excuse for their behavior.... it is your body.... you can control it... PMS, MLC and meno just makes it harder but you still have full control... i also resent the fact that guys think their wives arent attractive anymore after they give birth... sure some girls are blessed with killer bodies even after giving birth.. it's not so easy for other women to lose the weight again... and this could also cause post-natal depression.... men, if u love your wives, you should love them regardless of their physical appearance... i mean YOU impregnated them... u changed their body.... take some responsibility....

oh and yes.. my dad went through a mid life crisis... no sports cars... but he was extra flirtatious... one of the girls told my mum what he was doing and my mum threw a huge fit [and here my mum is a housewive, with a killer body (after 3 kids she's still slimmer and more toned than ME..*ashamed*), and who's really pretty... what reason did my dad have to fool around now?].... and you know what? my dad stopped this bullshit behaviour..... which shows that, MEN should be able to control themselves.. it's a matter of whether they want to or not... why should the GIRL think about the kids and not divorce the husband when the husband didnt even think about the kids when he went around having sex / an affair with another woman? not trying to be feminist here... just wondering out loud at this phenomenon..... i also acknowledge that there are girls/wives who cheat on their bf/husbands as well.... and guys are welcome to post their views on that... but since i'm a girl, i'm just focusing on this aspect of it.

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very interesting perspective, sam :thumbsup: yes, definately we have to look both ways... dont take the following to seriously, k? it's just a rant.... :P it IS true that there are instances where women contribute to the fact that some men fool around... cant disagree with that...

however, mid life crisis is just an excuse as well.... it's the same as girls acting "too much" and blaming it on PMS [yes i think it's totally rediculous that girls use PMS as an excuse for all their "crazy" behaviours and attitudes... hey babe, you dont get PMS more than ONCE A MONTH... dont overuse this lame excuse please]... i hate ppl who use PMS or mid life crisis or menopause as an excuse for their behavior.... it is your body.... you can control it... PMS, MLC and meno just makes it harder but you still have full control... i also resent the fact that guys think their wives arent attractive anymore after they give birth... sure some girls are blessed with killer bodies even after giving birth.. it's not so easy for other women to lose the weight again... and this could also cause post-natal depression.... men, if u love your wives, you should love them regardless of their physical appearance... i mean YOU impregnated them... u changed their body.... take some responsibility....

oh and yes.. my dad went through a mid life crisis... no sports cars... but he was extra flirtatious... one of the girls told my mum what he was doing and my mum threw a huge fit [and here my mum is a housewive, with a killer body (after 3 kids she's still slimmer and more toned than ME..*ashamed*), and who's really pretty... what reason did my dad have to fool around now?].... and you know what? my dad stopped this bullshit behaviour..... which shows that, MEN should be able to control themselves.. it's a matter of whether they want to or not... why should the GIRL think about the kids and not divorce the husband when the husband didnt even think about the kids when he went around having sex / an affair with another woman? not trying to be feminist here... just wondering out loud at this phenomenon..... i also acknowledge that there are girls/wives who cheat on their bf/husbands as well.... and guys are welcome to post their views on that... but since i'm a girl, i'm just focusing on this aspect of it.

Yeah, i agree with you. No problem, Shadow.

Actually i pretty like your view of points.

That's y in previous thread, i said men should hold IT tight!

I like that PMS thing. Wish she knows this! :lol:

I bet your mum is darn brave modern woman. :thumbup1:

Unfortunately, not with those majority 40s 50s women can't voice out.

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Why is me disagreeing with you judgemental? Do I have to agree with everyone in order not to seem judgemental?

As clarification, I would forgive a one-time act. But not a repetitive occurence. The very repetition means that it is a calculated act -- a deception, if you will. Either you are deceptive in not coming clear on it, or you are deceptive in pretending to regret the act. At the very least you are a fool to keep getting yourself into a situation you can't get out of.

I repeat: if it happens once you are human, if it happens twice I give another chance. If it happens a third time, either I am the fool or you are.

I have no time to spare on liars or fools, thanks.

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Why is me disagreeing with you judgemental? Do I have to agree with everyone in order not to seem judgemental?

As clarification, I would forgive a one-time act. But not a repetitive occurence. The very repetition means that it is a calculated act -- a deception, if you will. Either you are deceptive in not coming clear on it, or you are deceptive in pretending to regret the act. At the very least you are a fool to keep getting yourself into a situation you can't get out of.

I repeat: if it happens once you are human, if it happens twice I give another chance. If it happens a third time, either I am the fool or you are.

I have no time to spare on liars or fools, thanks.

no.. it is not that you are judgemental coz u disagree.... it's the way u reply.... and with this sentence, you are trying to justify "why" u are allowed to judge my post or me. u are saying that i shouldnt post my views if i dun want anyone to judge it.... and i have to expect ppl to judge it.... everyone has their point of view... but they dont have to judge other ppl's point of view to get their own across.

don't state your views if you do not intend to be judged by it.

also, your recent clarification still does not explain this --> "I would give anyone three chances. Wouldn't someone having an affair over a month count as used up their three chances all in one shot?"

i never said anything about ur points being wrong u know? anyway, it's fine.... i'll drop it... have a great day!

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no.. it is not that you are judgemental coz u disagree.... it's the way u reply.... and with this sentence, you are trying to justify "why" u are allowed to judge my post or me. u are saying that i shouldnt post my views if i dun want anyone to judge it.... and i have to expect ppl to judge it.... everyone has their point of view... but they dont have to judge other ppl's point of view to get their own across.

i never said anything about ur points being wrong u know? anyway, it's fine.... i'll drop it... have a great day!

Hey chill.

Only the first para was directed at you. The rest weren't directed at anyone in particular. After all, this is a forum, not a personal mailbox.

Would everyone just relax and not consider all my comments as personal? They aren't!

Oh and if I do want to get personal with anyone, it'll be by PM. That's what it's for, right?

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seriously that depends on how much you still love the guy.

it happened to me b4.

my ex when after a girl who was 7 yrs younger than me! (i was 21 then)

then half a yr later he came back to me saying "she was nothing like you. she's too immature." (of coz la, she was only 14 ok what can u expect?)

but then bcoz i still love him so we got back together.

and we were so much happier than b4.

so it really depends.

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yo Shadow Princess... what's with the Pink words!!! My eyes hurt. o_0 Say... does your mom have a single younger sister? 8)

glitzzz.. your ex went after someone 7 years younger than you while you were 21?? that would make that girl... erm.. 21 minus 7... erm.. (sorry my math suck) some-teen years old!? :blink: oh.. 14 years old... geezz.. that's really sick. :unsure:

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yo Shadow Princess... what's with the Pink words!!! My eyes hurt. o_0 Say... does your mom have a single younger sister? 8)

lol.... coz that was mostly a rant and not really a reply to the topic mah.... it's meant to be so that only ppl who really wanna read will highlight it to read lor....

my mum does haf a younger sis.... why? they look quite alike.... they all same gene wan... fair fair, slim slim.... sigh... me, i follow dad's genes..... saaaaddddd..... anyway, why u wanna know?

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lol.... coz that was mostly a rant and not really a reply to the topic mah.... it's meant to be so that only ppl who really wanna read will highlight it to read lor....

my mum does haf a younger sis.... why? they look quite alike.... they all same gene wan... fair fair, slim slim.... sigh... me, i follow dad's genes..... saaaaddddd..... anyway, why u wanna know?

oh really?

fair fair slim slim? woooo...

how old?? single ka?

Why I wanna know??

Why else? ^_^

:lol::lol::lol1::lol1:

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It is just a forum,everyone please calm down we are here giving suggestion haha sound like in the war this & tat da da da da da ^_^

Shadowprincess,hi there keke finally i see an old member here,all new members dun knw who is who.. as ur point of view,u dun give a darn watever reasons he cheating u right.me still the same,everyone deserves one last chance,if he repeat it again,im sure i will let go tis time as long as i've do my best in the r'ship..'ve no regret at all :D

Wonder did u recei my testi?sent u a month ago or .... never c u around msn or yahoo alrdy.. bz ka?

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lol.... coz that was mostly a rant and not really a reply to the topic mah.... it's meant to be so that only ppl who really wanna read will highlight it to read lor....

my mum does haf a younger sis.... why? they look quite alike.... they all same gene wan... fair fair, slim slim.... sigh... me, i follow dad's genes..... saaaaddddd..... anyway, why u wanna know?

If you girls don't mind me going off topic a little more...

Pink is rant? First time I heard of that. Normally people use boldface, right? So what does that say about your siggy? :blink:

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Hey Nats. I was wondering where you'd disappeared to. :P

Personally I don't know why anyone would think I'm upset. I've never made a practice of posting while I'm not calm. Bad idea. Anyway I haven't lost my temper in god knows how many years - I've certainly not been keeping count. Has to do with some good advice I got from my school principal (long story there) a long time ago.

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