Jump to content

G_D

MYB Gentleman
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    8,702

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by G_D

  4. Posted · Report reply

    How to withdraw money from atm :

    MAN:

    1) Pull up to machine

    2) Wind window down

    3) Insert ATM card, enter PIN

    4) Retrieve cash

    5) Drive away

    WOMAN:

    1) Pull up to machine

    2) Open door (too far away from machine)

    3) Search through all of the 112 compartments in handbag for ATM card

    4) Do make up, apply lipstick, fix hair

    5) Insert Card

    6) Remove card

    7) Insert card the correct way up

    8) Search for piece of paper with PIN on it

    9) Enter PIN

    10) Enter correct PIN

    11) Retrieve cash, put in bag

    12) Drive off

    13) Reverse back to machine

    14) Retrieve card

    15) Drive three miles away

    16) Release hand-brake

  5. Posted · Report reply

    Farmer Joe was in his car when he was hit by a truck. He decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.

    Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the...." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question."

    "Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

    Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."

    The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

    By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

    Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.

    I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

    Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.

    Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

  6. Posted · Report reply

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which

    conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during

    the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct

    the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

    what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets

    before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of

    humor!

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as

    submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance

    engineers.

    (P = the problem logged by the pilot.)

    (S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding

    on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget.

  7. Posted · Report reply

    A transcript of a citizen reporting a UFO.

    Control: "South Wales Police, what's your emergency?"

    Caller: "It's not really. I just need to inform you that across the mountain there's a bright stationary object."

    Control: "Right."

    Caller: "If you've got a couple of minutes perhaps you could find out what it is? It's been there at least half an hour and it's still there."

    That was a portion of the 999 call received by the police in Wales from a South Wales resident and when the police were dispatched to observe the "stationary object" that concerned the resident.

    The police then called their control room to report their findings and that call went as follows:

    Control: "Alpha Zulu 20, this object in the sky, did anyone have a look at it?"

    Officer: "Yes, it's the moon. Over."

  8. Posted · Report reply

    Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

    The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

    This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

    The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

    Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:

    "Cindy, you have sinned."

  9. Posted · Edited by G_D · Report reply

    the origin of Allsalmualaikum and Mualikumsalam is not Middle Eastern, it's Hokkien

    Why corruption in Malaysia will never be eradicated!

    Because when officials meet, they remind one another:

    Official A says: ''Wa salah Lu Mai Kong' (Allsalamualaikum)

    in hokkien means : i wrong, u no tell

    Official B replies: 'Wa Mai Kong Lu Salah' (Mualaikumsalam)

    in hokkien means : i won tell, u r wrong

    So now we know the origin of Allsalmualaikum and Mualikumsalam is not Middle Eastern, it's Hokkien.

  12. Posted · Report reply

    Far as I know, the minimum requirements to make the request for the password from the mods is to have 100 posts.

    Once you have 100 posts, you can PM any of the mods for the password. The mods will then determine if you should have the password based on your 100 posts. For eg. if you made 100 posts which are insightful or are relevent to the topic, then you might be allowed access. On the other hand, 100 spam posts.......

    At least, I think that's how it works. Afterall, the minimum post count requirement was 10 posts (i think), way back then.

  13. Posted · Report reply

    Have you tried saving it as another format? Eg. jpg or gif. Sometimes different formats can produce different file sizes for the same picture.

    If the above doesn't work, try reducing the quality of the picture. The software you use should have the option.

    If all doesn't work, you could try uploading the file to a picture hosting site and then putting the link as the avatar. Should get past the 20kb size limit though the dimensions will still be limited to 100x100.

  18. Posted · Report reply

    Assuming you're opening in IE,

    1. Load the page and let the movie play till the end.

    2. Open "Search". Click "All files and folders".

    3. In the "All or part of the file name" box, type in "dd_latte" without the quotes.

    4. In "Look in", choose browse and go to "Documents and Settings" (Usually My Computer --> C: --> Documents and Settings").

    5. Click "Search".

    Hopefully, it'll give out dd_latte.flv as a result. That is the movie file.

×
×
  • Create New...